Day 440: Righteous Exile

This point of “…me not being able to conceptualize myself as part of this Equality and Oneness, of this life that is here, as the physical body, this physical existence…” Explored by Jack, in Journeys into the Afterlife, 92: Listening to this recording, I remembered a point that was a crucial step for me, back ten years ago, to, from simply reading postings in the Desteni Forum, and listening to the words being spoken in the Portal interviews, to then actually take the step and move myself to start participating in the forum, the point being, that, Each and everyone is part of this: and so I am part of this.

It is odd to try and simulate exactly how I stood back then, resigned in some way as only worthy to observe, but there was certainly an element of, as shared by Jack, that with how I’d lived my life I did not deserve to be a part of it. And this polarity: that Jack spells out in this interview: …the polarity of feeling, looking back, that I could have done More, while at the same time, thinking I myself to be More, and realizing that as long we inside ourselves think that we are more, superior, we cannot really do the More of changing ourselves, of walking this process of the principle of Equality and Oneness as Best for All, because if you on any level within yourself think you’re more, you cannot work on an equal and one level…

Here within the question, How can I forgive myself if I believe that who I am is not worthy of forgiveness, is the question also: How can I forgive myself if I believe that who I am is superior? Seeing and realizing how I could have done more, and judging myself with, therefore I am not worthy, while not seeing how in my starting point of me I am already more, and therefore within and as a reality that I have structured thus, what is there to change, where is the push to really actually come from, into movement, into action if these elements of superiority remain within the starting point of me, it’s like there is a backchat going with that, that would say, why bother? That feel-good righteousness component of my mind giving that apparent edge where somewhere deeply I believe it does not matter, and then in the polarity I judge my indolence and so loop back into the unworthiness, and the recourse of being outside, being the observer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a judgement of myself that who I am is unworthy. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the voices in my mind of righteousness, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to choose this righteous feeling in me as my guide. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realise that my judgements of myself as being unworthy are coming from a starting point of superiority as who I am in righteous judgement. I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see this loop of energy.

I forgive myself that in my past I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I can choose whether or not to live or die, that therefore I am superior to life. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that choosing death would be a victory over life, that it would be proof of my superiority.

I forgive myself that though I have chosen long time not to die, I have not rooted out this belief, but have instead allowed it to exist within me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge superiority that exists within me and so suppress this belief within me, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize this belief as a support to a feeling of righteousness and of superiority, as if all the time somewhere in my being, up my sleeve I held the joker card, that I could opt out any time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe within this that I am trapped by life, to fear that I may be trapped by life, to look for means of fighting life, of overcoming life. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe within all of these relationships to life that it can be real that I am separate from life. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a reality that is only of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that superiority based on feelings of righteousness can be real. I forgive myself that I have accepted within and as superiority that I can dictate the nature of reality. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in the reality of me that I dictate in judging me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in the reality of my judgement definition of me, of my unworthiness, as being less than good enough to be a part of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the judgements of my own superiority that who I am within myself is bad. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed within accepting and allowing these beliefs to separate myself from being whole-hearted in participation in the physical world. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the limitation of the role of an observer. I forgive myself that I have given observation value over participation, and that I have not seen through the sentence meted out by my judgements of my own unworthiness.

 

 

 

 

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