Day 437: Righteous Spite

Day 437: Righteous Spite

…continuing from previous post, Day 436: Why Am I Doing This To Me?

… here deconstructing more the mind domain of Righteousness:

I commit myself to change my relationship to backchat, such as the relationship in which I become a character of being far too busy in my mind to pay attention to these reflections, which are evolutions in a way, of points in me that I have denied as being a part of me, and so have relegated to suppression, in which far from opening awareness in me, instead, I have further buried parts of me, those parts I have judged as bad or wrong or unacceptable to me. That backchat function of my mind has become a sort of fishing expedition, testing word formations to find what elicits a reaction, and the hooks that work are developed and evolved, become more specified, and become more pointed.

In saying Fuck Off to persistent backchats: what is going on? In this scenario, and I use this word ‘scenario’, because it is like a scene of inner theatre, a projection of myself as if upon a stage, speaking to an echo of a part of me, believing in a false reality in which I am expressing spite towards a reflection of myself – in exasperation – as if losing patience with a nuisance of some kind.

I am saying Fuck Off to a nuisance part of me. Looking at this sentence I start off in attack and end up in that realization of being attacked, in those last two words when I realise and take on board my wholeness here, that all of it is parts of me – what is the feeling in me when I realise and understand that I am both the attacker and the target of my spite? Kind of gutted really. It is like a moment of experience of wholeness, but kind of inconvenient to my righteousness. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become the authority of separation in my mind, through which a sense of wholeness in me has become an inconvenience to me. I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see or appreciate how the mind is supportive in a way, by with backchat challenging this false authority.

In the scenario, the false reality, I actually want that part of me the backchat represents to be separate from me, to be as the villain of the piece, and as righteousness I assume the power to quell these nuisance backchats, and so I use Fuck-Off almost as a magic formula of suppression. I am not listening to you, go away, stop bothering me. Here within my righteousness reaction is that connection and assumption of ideas of strength and power, superiority, authority. And yet within and as this righteousness I do not see that I have actually taken the bait, have shifted into the role of having the rights of expressing spite that I’ve connected with authority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in my early experiences of figures of authority wielding spite as part of their authority to have accepted and absorbed that spite as part of that authority. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am right in my interpretations that characters of superiority that resonate intensity are actually resonating spite. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that authority comes with the rights to be abusive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify being spiteful when I am trying to defend an image of myself as authority. I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see that if I need to defend my own authority, that it can’t be real. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect myself from realising that my authority is not real by lashing out at me within my mind and lashing out at others. I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see how my backchat has personified my own spitefulness that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilise in protection of my self image.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in right and wrong as absolutes – even though I have accepted and allowed myself to see and realise and understand that right and wrong come from a starting point that is not in physical reality – I forgive myself that I have not rooted out the programming of this polarity from out of me, and let it go, but have instead allowed a righteous character to continue to exist within me, and for myself to embody righteousness, within my own relationships to me, and to allow myself to exist within and as these programs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect authority to righteousness. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge righteousness in other people, while not recognizing it in myself. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge righteousness itself. I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see how in the act of judgement I am in a stance of righteousness, that I am embodying righteousness in judging me. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that in my endeavors to forgive myself for the judgements that I have made of me and of others, and for my proclivity of judgement, that I have not forgiven the righteousness that I have assumed in making judgements.

In judging righteousness: I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see the righteousness within me, as the starting point of judgement. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to embody righteousness to such an extent that I am unable to see it, but only seen the consequence of this in the harm that my own judgements have done to my acceptance of myself, and the damage that I’ve done to relationships in my life.

I forgive myself that I have connected authority with righteousness and then lived out that connection, and then not seen or realized that in my inner world my own authority as me is connected also into righteousness and thence into either making judgements of myself or parts of me, or else into judging others. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this righteous programming to interfere with and become a part of my perceptions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought that ‘I am right’ to be a reference to an idea in my mind authority. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live authority in this way. I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see and realise that my authority as me cannot be real while I am divided in myself as the polarity between superiority as righteousness and the judgements of my faults and weaknesses. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my righteousness authority as a point of strength, not seeing how strength defined like this cannot be real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interpret my perceptions of movements of energy accumulations in my mind as having authority, as being more than me, as being more than I can direct: I forgive myself in relation to this to have strengthened my belief in weakness as who I am, as a being kind of at the mercy of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop a character of giving up from out of this relationship. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attribute my own definitions of authority to the energy accumulations within my mind, and then to fear that authority. In this game, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feed a character of giving up, accepting the belief that I am weak, and justifying my weakness, or else to feed the character of righteousness in which I am lashing out at parts of me that seem to threaten my self image. I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see how this perception in my mind of authority as righteousness is supporting the belief in me that ‘I am weak’.

 

On the process of fear of authority: a very supportive Life Review has been published recently in Eqafe: What Your Mind Doesn’t Want You to Know about Fear of Authority.

Support for All at Desteni

Redefining and Living Words – SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living 

eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
 
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey to Life

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