Day 429: Redefining the word Live (2)
Experiencing life most of the time as just going on, with ourselves in the middle of it, getting on with it – this relationship to Life – here within it – exists a definition of the word Life, one in which we are displaced, kind of living out. How to change this definition, and so to change this passive experience of Life, and so to change our lives? In the Life Review, Question Everything, the question comes up: How to Own this life that I am living?
What would ownership entail? The word came up in a different context yesterday, talking with Joe: he remarked, “You really Own that shed.” And looking into this, I saw, Yes it’s true, I have expanded into this space, redefined it in a way for me, as a Workshop, though physically it is unchanged and still fulfills the needs of a shed, the ownership is in my constant usage of this space for making things. Is this usage of the word Own of any use to me in owning this Life that I am living? Have I considered what it is that I am using this life for, seeing as I’m in it, could I use it better? Could I redefine it so that it works better for me, could I make better use of the tools that it provides? Well, no, I have not considered this, but looking at it now, I see an obvious difference, such in relationship to something that I have only just recognized to be a tool, so rather than just seeing it there upon a shelf I reach out and grasp it feel the handle, feel the weight, and see a new potential for creation.
And so, continuing in this post with redefining the word Live, To Live, I am looking in to what exists within my relationship to this word Life, being not outside of it, but in the middle of it, very close to it, very, very close to it, like pausing in a very relaxed slow gradual way and questioning what it’s like to have this skin – almost without touching it with words – what does skin feel like, from the inside, from that intimate space of me inside it, where I Live.
Here is where beginning in, I may cautiously extend the exploration out, into this question what is it that I live as this word Life, where for a moment it is not a massive question, but only very intimate, very, very intimate beyond a place I’ve ventured so far with the words. And then outside, upon the fabric of my skin, I feel the movement of my clothes; I feel a beam of sunshine glancing on my leg, and the context of this word Life and Living here on Earth lights up again within my mind, with time-lines, memories, explanations, mysteries connected to the paths that led to here, connected to the beings that I have met, the paths that I have crossed, and me somehow located in the middle of it all and at the same time at the leading edge of it, with and as my presence here.
And in town, so many lives I see, people in their lives: every day I see people in their lives. That is something new for me, in this definition process, getting a feel of me – within and as my life – and from there, imagine other people also, in their lives: in the city of their lives, in the country of their lives, in a trail behind them, all around them, for example, all around a face, a look, a man beside a door in a supermarket foyer looking forward at the world, what expression in those eyes, what meetings, shadows, expectations, needs, with those at home, the neighborhood, those far off days.
And there as well, seeing this, passing by, me, exiting the supermarket, within my life, with that word life: in that moment not separate, not seeing it from afar, or in theory, like a scientist, trying to equate this experience of myself with this thing called ‘Life’. Even just to call it that was to put it on a wall, projected on a screen, a notice board of things that happened. And yet coming round a corner in myself I felt this intimate dimension of that thing called life, that I was living, that did not need a calling, that was only simply what it was to me, within it, odd to question what it was, being within and am it here already. That there existed some formation out there of it beyond my personal experience had been only a belief, a formality, an extension or an outplay of the word Define, as I had heard it in my science lessons, with all its implements laid out ready on the table.
In this Life Review, Question Everything, a being recalls moments of stopping within the question of: “Why am I here, What am I doing with all of this, what am I doing with the life that is in me, and this life that is here before me that is given?”
“Do I really own my life, meaning: have I taken ownership for it? Have I taken responsibility for it? Or with everything that is here before me: Am I just going with the flow, am I just kind of going with it, because it’s here, because it’s what happened to me, and I happened upon it? And within that happening, you know, I am who I am and I go with again how I find myself to be, every day… “