” … even with saying the word Live – even here – as a being speaking through the Portal and aligning it with Humanity and all of this existence – it still sounds empty, hollow, the word has not yet been fulfilled – in an individual capacity and also in a global capacity… What we have accepted as the word Live, how we have lied down in acceptance, how deep does that acceptance go in our consciousness in ourselves – that we now live in almost a depressed state every single day… …The dimensional point that we would like you to take with you – not only redefining Live – Give it substance and meaning and worth and reality and truth. In fact it’s coming from the initial problem of us denying the More within ourselves, the aspect of Force and Life – God, if you will – within ourselves. What is that More within ourselves – that’s been there – and yet you haven’t lived?”
From Redefining Truth and Lies (Crucifixion of Jesus Part 120)
Here begins the Beginning – for me – of Redefining the word Live. I am meaning here by Live, also the group of words, as in To Live, the verb that emerges directly from the word Life, along with Living, Lively, and Live, as in immediate transmission, ‘real-time’… The redefinition of this word is present in some way or another everywhere throughout Destonian writings, throughout the Eqafe recordings, enjoining us to introspect self honestly what meanings we have accepted and allowed, and so discover through such means, how it is that we have defined ourselves, and shaped and limited ourselves accordingly, and so empower ourselves to change.
For me right now, considering the words Life and Live, and the actual possibility of me participating in Life, as Life, as the verb of Life, in and as Life, I am immediately aware of limitations – imagining a world in which I can whole heartedly say – I Live – seems as a world I cannot reach – beyond the barrier of who I am, as a world beyond the limits that I exist within. And so immediately I am aware of how much less than Life and Living Life I currently accept myself to be, and have resigned myself to be, and with that realization I experience that compromise of comfort zones – that depression – and the buffering of immediate transmissions, those sparks of me, and that fear of letting go of who I am in which I have become content with just ok, alright and safe in my normality.
Pulling off the blankets to peak into what I have defined to be a nightmare is a matter of Courage – within my personal world, as well as in the wider world in which now it seems a Death Cult reigns invisible and supreme. Fear of doom in redefining Life, and Living Life is like a programming that has penetrated deeply into me. And yet unconsciousness does not have to reign supreme: the question to Self – of How to Live – already undermines that darkness because it is pointing at my own authority in me to redefine what I have defined and limited myself within, and so already a spark exists for me within that question, How to live?
Mordor! Says Leila, Mount Doom! Me and Leila and LJ are looking down at an ant hill in the paddock; after the rain the mountain has spread and enlarged, with cracks appearing in its slopes. Not an ant in sight, though there are probably thousands of them underneath. LJ tells me that at this time of year the snakes are looking for a place to nest or hibernate, so sometimes in the crest of an ant hill one finds a hole where a snake had gone down in and taken over.
Mount Doom! These words come up in a feeling of doom in making new beginnings; in the Living and Making New Beginnings interview, Mount Doom comes up as a reference to the epic journey of the ring of power – My-Precious – that has to be cast into the fiery abyss to save the world from the forces of darkness of Mordor…
… bringing it back to me, and not to wander too much into what the words are getting up to currently, how they circulate and emerge in different places in different dimensions and different expressions of different people, as if there were a kind of undercurrent of topicality – I get into quagmires trying to understand it –
…but a point for me to look at that in this interview was directly pointed out to me – was in relation to a question that came up in me in how I had defined the word Live where coming up in me were memories in which expressions of – what I had interpreted in my mind to be – Joy – were to me like memories of sparks of Life – and memories of these expressions thwarted, or rejected – in my perception – where I had responded to reactions with hurt or harm – and so become more isolated, protecting those expressions in myself as if they were precious, fragile parts of me …
So in answer to the question how does all of this connect to Live and New Beginnings is ”… a pivotal point for you to consider: that if you had these expressions inside of you, and you in any way feel like it can be changed or altered by another person, it means you haven’t yet completely really become it as yourself. Now there’s a problem, in that, you cannot really become an expression through and through as yourself, if you do not allow yourself to live it in the world out there. So in other words if an expression, such as joy, is just an experience inside you, is something that you feel you have to contain and keep only unto yourself, then it already implies separation… because it’s like you want to take that part of yourself, and box it inside, and keep it like a treasure, almost exactly like in Lord of the Rings – like that ring, like that Precious – and eventually it can consume you in what was actually really going on behind it… that you have to question… what were you really protecting… were you protecting that joy, or were there other let’s say social anxieties, judgements, reactions toward general people out there, or an honest preference to actually just wanting to be alone…?”
So here, in beginning to redefine the words live and life, is a point for me to look into, which is putting expressions of me out into the world, and through that becoming those expressions as myself for real, rather than keeping them protected as those hidden treasures of experience inside, that only have potential.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interpret an experience of potential in me – a spark of life – as life itself – and for me to believe in my interpretation as something real.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that real expression of myself is something that can be broken or destroyed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to label positive energy experience in my mind as Joy. I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to look more deeply into this energy that I have labeled Joy to see what else might exist beneath my own interpretation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in the positive energy experience that I have labeled Joy as something good, as something sacred in my inner world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to elevate myself in my own perceptions by being the protector of this inner experience that I have labeled as me as Joyful.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider how Joy may be defined and lived by others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that Joy may be defined in many different ways to an experience in myself that I have labelled Joy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame other people that they do not share my joy – seeing them then as joyless – and therefore as inferior in some way to me, as the protector of true joy, and therefore – separated in my mind – to life and living.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I understand myself, that my understanding of myself is real. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this belief in understanding me as a point of comparison to other people. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to enforce my understanding onto others, when it itself is also a spark of my potential that I have not lived.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see the spark that exists within the word Begin, to acknowledge what exists within this simple word. I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to value the potential that exists within Begin, that though I have a history both of years and of lives, that in a moment I can choose to live the word Begin apropos of nothing, except that now I start. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect to the word Begin, the past, and histories of giving up on me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience these connections as a shadow over me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience these shadows as an experience of future doom.