Day 423: Abandoned and redefining Stop
There is an outline sense in which I have walked this redefinition of Abandoned: that in living it, I now set off from a new place in me where I have also added to what living means to me: there is like an expansion of ‘with’ in being with me. It’s like walking this into living it is a constant process that applies to everything.
And mostly this begins with stop: and in relation to the word Stop, in a way within me there is a process of focusing on a kind of stop that has no energy, that this stop is in a way already an expression of that wholeness of me – rather than expression of an emergency command and ‘must’ and ‘have to’ shouted out in capitals – that had become a default setting – but simply stop as the essence of stop, stop and breathe and let that tension go, and then reset positioning – with this whole part of me – to what I’m doing here – within all of this there is a new kind of breath, my back straightens up, and with regard to a point deep within my neck, I can practice this letting-go of that expression of arrogance, and within that or at the source of that an experience of righteousness – and as well as that, let go of a world that did not exist, so it’s like this stop and breathe reset that I am practicing at the moment.
Within this I find these sort of anxious moments on the threshold of this shift, kind of residual backchat, that I have let go of this… lost something, something important, that I need to get back to, something forgotten.. all the old beguilements of Abandoned, this world of fear and anguish and exigency, where I have lived and had my being, where I realise now, from who I am within this context of Exigency using ‘STOP’ is useless. So it’s also like a call for patience in clearing who I am within evoking Stop.
Living Strength in Decision to be Born, owning that decision – regardless of where and how I came to it – in time and space – that it is made – and from here looking at a world that was in fact impossible – like how could I believe that an alternative could exist?
So walking my redefinition of Abandoned I begin to walk the question of: How to embrace and own Decision to be Born. Seeing this as both a starting point and a starting point of action. How to nurture, cultivate this as a fibre into my being, how to implement and practically bring that through the movement like as in being present at the source of for example the extension of my arm. Where right now in that physical muscle stretching relaxation reset experience sensation it is like I am practicing the opening of the doors to that experience of me.
Continuing next post…