Reference: Eqafe The Atlanteans: Abandoned.
Day 417: The word Abandoned as Reality Check
Continuing from the previous post: And here, reactions to my perceptions of a ‘Starkness’ of reality in reacting to my Form, the Structure, the Action Plan, the Entrance into physical reality, in which I have accepted and allowed myself as less than and superior to my own Action Plan, both less than and superior to Organisation, and less than my own retaliation to a Structure that I know is best for me.
It’s not that simply this approach to me in redefining who I am – is wrong – seeing that it did not work immediately – and so – therefore – Abandon that, and go find something else. It’s not like I can just slip a line of code into my mind that instantly changes everything: there is that – ‘bring a horse to water’ point – where through this process I have brought myself to the water – and yet these words with which I have defined the water: Organisation, and Action Plan, and all the words I’ve printed out for me, are all as processes of redefinition in themselves, where in each of them I have not as yet connected me to Earth. That’s what would make this Form a collection of words that are as yet inapplicable, and seem so stark and lifeless.
The word Abandoned as – Reality Check – Listening to Phillip K. Dick – in The Future of Awareness series: Where do I Start? – Listening to an individual being yes but focused through his words the combined expression of …the Collective of Dimensional Being… I imagined in my mind standing before all the beings in the universe, and all the awarenesses of everything and everywhere; and I imagined them to be as one totally pissed off with this positioning of ‘me’, that I am clinging to; angry to that point of > Enough, we cannot carry you any more, like this, it is not best for you. Not seeing immediately that the substance of that anger was actually my own, I experienced it instead as if it were projected at me, and within that I was being shown > Look to yourself. A deeper shame within me, a shame that always I would avoid, at any cost, or else defend myself against by lashing out, and be distracted in my show of righteous anger, and the shame was in me acknowledging in myself that: deep within me I do know, I am in fact aware of it, that all my protests are as nothing, a grandiose deception, and yet I am continuing to allow it so; and in allowing it, the shame remains. If there were an existential conscience then that Shame would be like a reflection of it. As a statue of myself I am for a moment looking down and seeing the nature of the plinth on which I stand, and extending from that plinth, the wasteland that I’m protecting and defending.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to retaliate towards the word Organisation, and within that to retaliate to common sense, to stand as a point of arrogance, as if superior and inferior to this word in which I am in denial of the organism and physical organization that I depend upon in the organism and physical organization of this physical body, of this Earth, of Nature, of the physical organisation and organism of Life.
I commit myself to slow myself down and learn to listen to and to hear and to and respond to what I know within me is my own voice within me that is showing me what is best for me, to organize myself in alignment with the organization that I utterly depend upon that gifts me with this breath of life. I commit myself to bring self to organisation, to learn to respect myself within and as Self Organisation, and to let go of my retaliation towards myself through which I see and realise and understand this point of sabotage in my journey into Life.