How to measure out the journey into life, the deliberate steps we take to change our own designs and patterns, systems, personalities, and free ourselves to really actually live within and as this physical existence? These are days not of the calendar, but days as records of deliberate steps from out of an accepted consciousness imposed reality, and into awareness. Adam Closs
Through my explorations of this word, as it exists in me, I have come to see how I have been misinterpreting – an opportunity of communication – through both fear of insecurity within my own authority, and fear experiences of self spite projections, generated through reactions in the word Dispute, as I had conditioned it, and lived it out. I have written about this in recent posts…
There are explanations that are like structures of excuse-from-life and self-deception, and there are explanations in self honesty in which the how and why of what I have become just unfolds and shows its blueprint. Ex-plan, De-Scribe, Write.
With the word Dispute, I see what I have been carrying within this aspect of myself, and bringing it with me into meetings, and then in a sort of natural real opportunity of communication and creation that exists in meeting, the point comes up now of seeing how I go into an experience of disempowerment. And something that I’m seeing is how this disempowerment has become like a normalized profile part of my experience of me, blended into me, in which the decision to stay back, to not participate seems in the moment deceptively brand new, unique, appropriate and specific, and yet is the exact same decision over and over that I bring myself into this place as part of who I am.
So, continuing into the processes of Redefinition of Dispute, and into the Question: How in the situation of a meeting, how can I stand within awareness of communication opportunity, in the natural processes of expansion and sharing, that Communication represents, where I can stay grounded in the certainty of me, yes Ready to meet what comes, yet ready in a very simple neutral way, that, as I showed myself with Courage I could simply drop the baggage that was present in that moment, and simply move myself from out of hesitation.
With the word Attention, the question of How do I attend to things, is really an extension of common sense, and yet I had not seen that. The question of who I was within attending-to kind of went over my head each time with the word Attention, where I see now how I separated from the word Attention, from who I am within attending-to what is here, and then defined Attention as a separate state as if it were a sort of sovereign quality that could generally be applied to things. Yet in attending to some thing, some words being said, to some expression, I am aware within myself of Care as part of this attendance, and that who I am within how I am attending to this moment is not disempowered. In attending to some thing there is a sense for me in embracing what it is I see needs to be attended to. So I commit myself to when and as this word Attention comes to remind myself in common sense and respect to the root of the word what this means.
Defining parts of self in retaliation to authority, means that part of self is defined in Dispute, and as I’ve seen in my example of me that from a crucible of emotional insecurity and self-spite, how within the word that I became disempowered, where I had allowed my mind authority of ways and means to service my avoidance of Dispute, to systemize it even, for me.
So looking at this now I see how in the process of grounding the word Dispute, I can also own it more, because I have seen how my acceptance of who I am had been compromised by me through all the ways and means described in previous posts – while who I am in fact is that I stand on Earth in Dispute of the very base foundations of this world system, in Dispute of acceptance of these programming effects and consequence, in Dispute of so many things that are being maintained in physical reality, and have been through the generations, is not conflicted, is standing firmly on the ground, engaging in, or attending to Dispute – not as an emotional experience – but as a communication opportunity – maybe even tweak some change or open up something that seems to need opening – or further specify what is happening or going on in me – or add something – looking to solution – and also being at the same time attentive in consideration of the words being heard – these all are possibilities…
Continuing next post…
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