Dispute and Courage and Readiness
On being Ready, as like the living experience of Courage; in which I walk a readiness to meet what comes, in which the option to live this word real-time comes up, and I take it in my stride, and I feel a sort of readiness where my breathe comes up to meet the world, an equality with the moment.
For me, a mini break-through in way, because my choice to live a word that moment was not suppressed/forgotten, and what I found through walking it, was an experience in my body of Readiness, a living attribute of simply walking along. How Words come to support me as I’m walking redefining words: I do not understand: an idea comes to me about my Being on some deep level expressing into words, that through my everyday perceptions then seem to just appear somehow… and… explanations, explanations to myself as kind of structures of stability…
But anyway… here while I am also in the process of walking this word Dispute, and redefining it for me, comes along a moment in which I am preparing to go through the front-door and into the outside-of-the-house world. What is actually involved within this ‘preparation’ process of going out is having the key, cross-referencing the having of the key, that I actually in fact have the physical key to the door. And something that I noticed in that moment was how the stress was interfering with my fingers. You know how if you let your fingers simply search the pocket, they simply just retrieve whatever; whereas if the mind is busy down there searching too, it all becomes conflicted and confused.
And so there was a moment of, No! I do not accept this horrid feeling in my fingers! Like this moment of physical support from this living hand is totally rejected, disregarded, while controls and reasonings take authority in my mind. And so I take my hand out and shake the fingers, loosen up the tendons, open my hand, breathe. This is in a practical moment of today. Though yes I see that there are busy constructs resonating Security/Imprisonment, and a fear of having forgotten something, like an aspect of a wider fear-of-loss, but I am in a practical moment, and I have not time for this right now, like yes I am constantly exposed to many roots that go right down into me, sometimes I know not how far into the very core of me, or source of me, and yet right now in this moment what I see is that I am standing in the darkness of a narrow corridor that leads to the front-door, and I recognize that I am in the experience of Dispute, and that I must just in this real-time moment clear myself, cross reference the physical key, and move myself.
Here where the word Courage came up in me, for me to deliberately walk Courage – Where in Courage I can say, ok there are these fear constructs, there are these multitude of relationships through this key and the round metal things in my pocket, that altogether resonate throughout me, but also, yes it is a fact that Courage can be lived as well as all of this, that I can step into this word right now and practically move forward. And so sounding out the word I stepped through the door and closed it firmly, the decision had been made, and I walked into the welcome of the living air. Phew. What a relief to get outside from all of that! And setting out, I decided to take the word Courage along with me in my awareness, which is how I came to discover that experience of readiness, that had always been available to me, but yet that I hadn’t given room for.
Continuing next post…