Day 389: Defining Calm 2

 

Supporting people to see the principle of Self Creation: thanks Cerise for that simple grounding description of Desteni, and in respect to that I realized how I’d like to place a context for this blog in which I stand with this support, in which I share my learning process of supporting me and all as me in the recognition of that all of us have the same Mind Consciousness System though each of us has furnished differently.

 

So in sharing the example of me, in opening up these parts of me, and who I am and what I find within the very words that I’ve been living, I do not do this in any way as being specifically instructional in what I write but where I stand in sharing me is in the realization that my most direct learning experiences in reading personal process and listening to interviews of Desteni has been in recognizing within maybe a detail of what is being shared, that in my mind I see that too, as well, I am seeing something about the way I am within myself that I can’t deny, and that in seeing that within myself, I am empowered to make correction, to investigate this further, to use the tools of change.

 

To connect this post into the context of present time, in May 2017, I am writing this while the Control and Freedom series is being released by Eqafe, starting here.

 

So kind of in a way like under the umbrella of points that come up for me in support of me in exploration of how I am in Calm, there is a moment in which I am rustling through a pile of papers, having lost a document, while within me there is like a storm going on, a storm of rushing time, and I realise that here is an example of who I am within the consequence of procrastination, in which all of that begun, unfinished, unstarted, unresolved, incomplete and not brought through seems to storm around me: and I see myself within that storm as last minute doing the essentials. And yet what is Calm within that for me, but as an act of balance, an act of coping with the energy? And then the rain begins, let’s say, the rain of realisations of things forgotten, and in those moments I see within me that all of it comes down to me: even though all that I experience in this moment of the physical world is actually its quietness, its stability, its persistence, I see how I am standing within the reception of the quietness of the physical world as in denial, in separation from it believing that I cannot share this calm.

 

Explorations into Procrastination and Time

 

Sounding the word Pro-cras-tin-a-tion: that’s the extent of it, like a train it takes ages to arrive, it takes ages to say it, half way through the saying of it I even almost feel like a little break, playfully speaking, if not at some place in the middle, then at the end, after the entire system of all of it is fully sounded out; because throughout the clunky coming and arrival of it there has been many access step ups into weariness, and playful option links, and many a set of frames and windows, doors and carriages, and then from skimming along the platform edge, it comes to rest, and a pause of quietness settles on the platform, no wheels, no tracks, no underworld, just sliding doors and automation…

 

Already in allowing such a metaphor to unfold I show myself so many aspects of myself in how I am within and as procrastination, and yet the platform in the metaphor is quite simple in a way, it consists of how I have decided to be in relation to Time, where for Procrastination to get the green light, one of the things I do is set, believe, accept, allow a value of this Time.

 

Here is a point where I see how I have merged Me-Time – in a way like an installed control and reaction to a fear of loss of time in being ‘made’ to do things, a perception of Time being taken from me – all of this I have merged with Time itself, and within that I see how I have added into Time an alternative reality of emotion, with Me-Time sort of representing a construct/life mission/contract reaction statement of who I am merged into physical Time.

 

And within this I see how I have been in a state of desperation, grasping Time, as who I am in My-Life-Me-Time, and in Procrastination where this My-Life-Me-Time comes up, here is where the self manipulation starts where this desperate authority of fear of loss of me in time exerts itself with the go ahead of my allowance.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see that in the crisis and rush to do things, get things done, that I am actually acting out this desperation, this grasping at time, while knowing well that this is the consequence of time that I have taken. I forgive myself that I have stood as acceptance of this me-time within and as the rush.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as the fear of taking back authority from the desperation where I placed it, where I have accepted and allowed this fear of loss of Time as My-Life-Me-Time to define me, to control me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a comfort zone of this My-Life-Me-Time, because I see and realise that there is no real comfort here, but only constant holding on and holding off, under the illusion of having gained or won some moments.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define this My-Life-Me-Time within a positive experience of energy within and as a construct of ownership and authority within my mind. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined Life according to my mind, where in disregard of what Life is that I have amplified an idea of my own authority in relationship to it as being ruled by My, and the Me in me-time.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define and live this me-time as in supplying me-time as positive energy experience, where what I see I can do instead is bring this care of with-me into my awareness at this trigger point of accepting and allowing the procrastination system, to not allow the energy of me-time as a point of self manipulation any more. So as and when this word Time comes up in the persuasions of procrastination, I treat it as a red flag I commit myself to release the interests of the energy, in me-time, and how I have accepted and allowed myself to be within and as that energy, from how I have defined myself in Time.

 

I commit myself to release the word Time as I have lived it from the experience of fear of loss and reactions founded on a belief that time was being taken from me, that unless I protected me from this, then Time would not be Mine, that then I would have no access to my life of ‘Freedom’. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place limitations on the access to me according to this me-time construct in my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have this me-time construct exist as a righteous cause of conflict within the definitions of who I am within and as the word Obligation, where in seeing Obligation within the tasks in front of me, in the moments of procrastination, I focus on the ligatures of obligation and so again within the Obligation, I accept and allow the same manipulation within this defensive point of me-time from which I have looked upon responsibility as landed on me, as a constriction, or where I see within myself that my embrace of this responsibility is not complete, not unconditional in this moment, not real.

 

So here once again a red flag for the Me-Time as it comes up in seeing Obligation where I can instead be walking in the question of how can I extend myself as who I am and how I have decided to be in this responsibility, into the facts and actions of the obligation where who I am in this word Obligation is extension of myself in my responsibility, and who I am within and as responsibility is how I have defined this for me, that within accepting a responsibility that I still have access to myself. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define Obligation in a negative energy. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this construct of me-time to exist as sabotage in living Obligation.

 

Continuing next post…

  

Some references to Eqafe interviews in support of walking for Self a redefinition of process of the word Calm:

 

https://eqafe.com/p/panic-attacks-become-calm-become-comfort-atlanteans-part-298

 

https://eqafe.com/p/panic-attacks-embodying-words-atlanteans-part-297

 

https://eqafe.com/p/the-crucifixion-of-jesus-part-43

 

 

 

SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living is an online community of people interested in
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~ by adamsblogs on May 14, 2017.

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