Day 382: Stop

 

…Continuing here further into the corruptions of Care that I have accepted and allowed to exist within my very definitions of myself in my living of this word within this life, that has consequently shaped my life, that has infiltrated into all the details of my relationships to the world.

So here I continue with another of the ways that I have stood to sabotage this word, more details of this sabotage, wherein deconstructing them I can then deliberately clear and purify this word, because I see and realise that the potentiality of this word to penetrate and infiltrate throughout communication, throughout interaction, throughout relationships of beings… I see for me to really deliberately stand for that, then what I have to do is firstly clear this word for me, in support of me enabling myself to live this word as redefined.

 

Self forgiveness on the backchats of ‘I don’t care’ and ‘I can’t be bothered’, and replacing them with instead, directly, Stop.

Stop: the new improved directive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have these backchats exist within me: the backchats of ‘I don’t care’ and ‘I can’t be bothered’ in which I have accepted and allowed through my attention onto them a go ahead to me within and as these personality designs that stem from backchats of ‘I don’t care’ and ‘I can’t be bothered’.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed these personalities to be carriers of my own authority in my life. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to habitually seek support from personalities as my own design of manipulated movement of me, rather than simply me directing me to stop.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to conjure up in a way the presence in my mind of these designs, within which I forgive myself that I am accepting and allowing myself to be seeking an experience of validation through which in consequence I am accustomed to being stopped, rather than as simply stopping me with the directive Stop.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the backchats of ‘I don’t care’ and ‘I can’t be bothered’ to have become engrained into me as tools, in internal conversation, as part of my approach to controlling of the energies that arise within me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in anxiety in connection to my own authority within myself.

 

I forgive myself that in my mind by listening to these backchats of ‘I don’t care’ and ‘I can’t be bothered’ that I am referring to an authority that still is placed within these personalities. I commit myself to deconstruct these personalities that are represented in my mind by the references of the backchats of ‘I don’t care’ and ‘I can’t be bothered’, to deconstruct and to understand and realign these postures that I have lived as me, these relationships to energy that I see and realise are the legacies of the consciousness that I have inherited and lived.

 

When and as I am in decision making and I become suddenly conflicted, overwhelmed, when that situation comes up where the backchats of ‘I don’t care’ and ‘I can’t be bothered’ come up in me, instead I say Stop, I breathe, I do not accept this backchat prompting, I do not accept this validation of authority that is separate from me, I do not accept this insecurity anxiety as part of who I am within authority itself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give away my own authority into the systems that I have accepted and allowed to operate within me, that I have given my consent to go ahead and act for me. I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see that in this consent what I am preserving in me is that I can continue to not be here with me in this moment, but somewhere dormant in my mind.

 

I commit myself to be present in my decision making processes. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in listening to the backchats of ‘I don’t care’ and ‘I can’t be bothered’ to be accepting of habitual sabotage in my decision making, in which I have become addicted to that experience of validation through these personalities. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be standing for and as self sabotage in these everyday moments in my life, in which accepting habits such as this I make way once again for procrastination.

 

continuing next post…

 

 

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~ by adamsblogs on April 20, 2017.

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