Day 375: Futility and Fuel-T

Day 375: Futility and Fuel-T

Self Forgiveness on an emotion/feeling energy that I have accepted and allowed to exist as an obstacle to action/justification of non-action, an energy that leads to giving-up, a feeling both of Doom and Comfort.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed even a small reminder of Futility to act as an authority within my mind, as a trigger to immediately hesitate or cancel an endeavor, or retract myself from action.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined within these moments by the emotion of futility, by movements of these energies inside me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shape my path according to my acceptance and allowance of the limitations of these energies.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed Futility as a warning flag, and that I have not seen that in my acceptance of the warning, therefore I have accepted and allowed a fear of what might happen. Therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed and tolerated fear as part of my definition of safety.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define comfort zones within distraction from what is here for me to face, within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become dependent on distraction for my comfort, while all the time within myself I am aware that this distraction cannot be enough to cover it. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define a comfort zone that is enclosed by a fear of the experience of Futility.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself in seeing that I am deliberately hiding in distractions, and that within accepting and allowing myself to be defined by this judgement, that I then go into tolerance of guilt. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in tolerance of guilt as a reaction to my judgements of myself. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define this guilt as the price of comfort.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear an experience of who I am as Futility, to fear an experience of realization of futility, that will apparently come along inevitably and then invalidate all my efforts. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear a future in which I see that all my efforts have no value.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live a paradox in which I go into an illusion of fear from listening to a warning of the dangers of walking into an illusion.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see realise and understand that the sensations of melting, sinking, draining are what I have accepted and allowed to exist as an experience of me in Futility, and that these feelings and sensations are the effects of my withdrawal, where I have already retracted from myself in reaction to Futility.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a comfort zone in which I have become the belief that Purpose is to no avail. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have exist within me instant access to a belief that for me, Purpose cannot be real. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that for me Purpose cannot be real.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in righteousness within accepting and allowing an experience of Futility. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, within and as Futility to become superior to efforts made, to future efforts I might make.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself within Futility as being all-knowing of the absolutes; within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to exist within me back-chats such as ‘I will always be giving up’ that who I am within the essence of myself is giving-up.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as a Futile system in which I listen to the words of back-chat, ‘It will always be like this’. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make this statement seem more real through the many times that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in this, and so imprint it into me. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed an element of proving that I’m right.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed Futility reminders to be as a gate to open other systems up within myself, such as paths of tiredness and depression and validations of worthlessness as judgements of myself: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize Futility in the service of the systems, through the activations of which I then eventually give up. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed Futility as Fuel-T, where I have accepted and allowed myself to make decisions in my life from within and as the word Futility.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to validate Futility, attempting to make a repetition of emotional experience into an abiding fact, as an underlying reality of my world. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself through this to seek to justify Futility so as to protect a comfort zone in which I do not have to act.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in avoiding me, that the relief I experience is real: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define relief within avoidance of myself and parts of me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to and entertain myself with back-chats that are themselves supported by the emotion of futility: statements such as ‘I will always be giving up’, ‘that who I am within the essence of myself is giving-up’, ‘that it will always be like this’, and ‘why make an effort to discover and experience once again this basic fact of who I am?’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the authority within these words is me, that within these words there is comfort in these certain statements, while in myself I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to grasp for certainty. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to these back-chats in the context of words spoken in common sense. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, and not question this.

 

 

 

 

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~ by adamsblogs on March 12, 2017.

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