So: about finding Dark Mind purposes within my words, where I see how I have been accepting a dishonouring, or an insult, of beings, all in service of my fear expression, so here an insight of an inner dark force stationed in a word, and so as a part of me.
Stepping back from judgements of this, I see how I had been looking through a lens of how I had defined ‘being’, where in seeing Being as an idealization of a kind of pre-existing living innocence, then seeing through the lens of that, ideas of a fundamental goodness find a place, so that on that basis, an authoritive ‘just stop it’, ‘stop doing that’ carries an expectation that in stopping that, one will then revert to something good or natural as a default expression of being.
And yet it is not like that: Where the system has no alternative it will revert to itself. It’s like yes the being is ok, but it is trained in doing all these insane things in relation to and in retaliation to life so that therefore there has to be not only a ‘stop that’ but plus a ‘do this instead’ in the equations of change. Not simply change, but change to.
Sounding the words Change and Change To there is quite a difference in my body. It’s as if Change were more of a cliff-hanger, while in Change To, I remain standing with myself in making a decision, rather than with the cliff-hanger of: There is a situation now, and what will happen? Seeing through my own belief in the outer surfaced nature of my words, I begin to see the self deception in which here an underlying spite has been allowed to exist in the word Sharing, and yet has been justified and modified to be more acceptable both to self and others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define ‘being’ as innocence, and within that, an assumption of good. I forgive myself that within this word Innocence that I have defined a blame of the creation of consciousness, as if it were an imposition, and as if there were a Golden Age. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed within this blame to accept and allow the experience of being disempowered, as the victim within Innocence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a desire to reconnect this innocence experience out of a fear of the experience of guilt. I forgive myself that I have tied into the word ‘being’ these emotional values where I have made relationships between guilt and innocence, where I have projected guilt out onto the world in the form of blame.
I forgive myself that I have given such a frame to the word Being through which I have accepted and allowed myself to see the world of me, where I have not seen or realized how much this world was altered by the frame through which I looked, where I had set conditions on my observation, and in believing in this observation, that I had not accepted or allowed myself to see myself ‘as is’, but instead as the definitions that I had accepted allowed within the structure of the word Being, as some idealized form, and the assumption of it being that to which the simple stopping of behaviours would naturally revert.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within this assumption, and that through this assumption that I have often left points uncorrected, or then undirected. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify myself within disempowerment, where in this assumption, doing nothing seems ok, where this underlying goodness nature of the being is only an illusion, a conditioned way of seeing my fundamental starting point, where seeing through that and acting from that I have accepted and allowed myself to stand for no change needed here, and have justified a form of giving up. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the feeling of disempowerment as a form of comfort zone. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put positive energy values on to letting go of responsibility for who I am.
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