Day 372: Honouring
This is a continuation on from ‘Sharing’.
Honouring an other being seems kind of natural, I mean all of us obviously being here in the same predicament of existence, and in that sense already standing in all each others’ shoes. A salutation of this reality is for me in the starting point of honouring.
And yet, looking into an expectation to be judged, and the fear involved, and the energies that gathered up into the word Sharing, what I see expressed is in fact dishonour; in my projections onto others, holding them within projected personality designs and attitudes of judgement, rather than allowing them to respond from within themselves as for real.
That dishonouring of the world of beings is the cost of valuing the fear so highly, that defines the boundaries of a comfort zone in which honouring of all others as myself seems all good, only given that I have excluded the reality of me, and within that, disconnected honouring from life, from being able to be lived, but instead believed these things I told myself in simulating honour, while on a deeper level I was at the same time held within a programming of contempt by me. Acknowledging this underlying spitefulness within me, as an aspect of who I am in relation to sharing is a challenge. I mean what I am doing to other beings is exactly the thing that I fear them doing to me.
Interesting that it has not made difference, but in practical reality, checking it, I see that mostly in fact this does not happen, people do not do that thing, and something that I see now also is that then what comes up in me, in an instance of realization of this, is a sense of gratitude, or surprise, with an underlying puzzlement of the mind, seeing that in the realm of expectations there is a glitch, a momentary collapse of a false reality, or in that moment, in a way it as if things don’t add up, so looking into that moment there I had not previously seen it as a reaction.
What I see here is how this moment through the judgements of the mind, can be perceived as failure, that I am failed within such natural events, as in not being with the flow of that, or that my mistake within this situation is who I am, so going down those routes what I have accepted and allowed is for myself to be defined by this self judgement, as having failure as my being, and therefore accepting and allowing this moment to act as a reminder of the experience of that, where in reaction to an open response, I shift into self interest, from the starting point of how I’ve seen this, into the emotional reality of my mind, or else the route of positive judgement of the being, nice on the surface, but as well in fact dishonouring.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condition Sharing into and as protection of the self from the impact of negative judgements and as point of fear. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed for me to use the word Sharing as a label or trigger of ‘an emotional issue’ for me, or of an energetic complex of experience for me, rather than allowing me to see a simple reference to the means of an honest/frank/straightforward relationship, that is the word Sharing with an existential, real dimension, simple as in redefining Sharing to be for me, in support of me, to be lived as who I am.
Ok so I’ve been opening it up a little further here.
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