Day 367: The Are You For Real Challenge

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The Are You For Real Challenge.

 

Looking further into the content of the word Cursory, seeing how through the word Care, there still remain within me movements that can undermine the grounding of my living Diligence for me in support of me in how I live this life.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have exist within me still a remnant of a mutated form of Care that I have defined in my own self interest, as something that I did not get for me, from a perspective that it was my right to get it, and seeing it in this way, as if it were a right of nurture, and in not receiving care for me in the way I had defined it, that therefore it was also my right to be personally offended, that creating a stance of blame for this perceived neglect was therefore valid.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a starting point for myself within this point of blame, in which I have deliberately thrown away my access to my self direction, in which I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my self responsibility.

 

I forgive myself that as a child I accepted and allowed sentences to form within my mind in which I spoke to projections of my parents saying, Ok, You don’t care for me, therefore I will not care for myself, so there! This is who I am as the consequence of your actions; I will stand as a reminder of your neglect! When you look at me you will see your crime, and you will always feel guilty for it! That is my curse!

 

Oops, I am pushing the boat here with these dramatics, and yet though amplified, these were some of the currents that existed for real within my mind. These were relationships to myself and to others that existed in my definition of Care, and therefore formed a part of how I lived and experienced myself within this word.

 

From a starting point such as this it was but a step away from substantiating the words of the withering poet – Farewell, Cruel World! – With, in saying such a thing, an apparent wealth of  access to indulgences of self-pity and regret. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed such a stance to exist within me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put a positive value into self pity, through which what I experienced was a constant validation of this blame, and my own design of validation of self neglect. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to romanticize this personality as a fable such as becoming as a noble vagrant on the roads of life. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to substantiate the word Care in such a way that I had written into it a blueprint for my life. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condition into me a program for a life without responsibility for who I am within and as the life of me. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within and as a decree that I will never in this life really in fact know who I am for real, but instead will function as the outplay of a reaction to the world.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to embody this Cursory personality design and that within and as this stance that I have accepted and allowed fear of responsibility as a fear of loss of this validation of myself in blame and in self neglect. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing the validation that I have defined for me in this stance of blame. I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself in participating in this fear, to see that if this is something I might really lose, then it is not real.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see in in a perception of being not cared for, that therefore in myself I had no value. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to out of this perception create a validation for myself that existed in who I am as blame. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to believe as a reality about myself that I am essentially not good enough, because otherwise I would have had this care. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define care within my life as conditional on my value.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a personality that stands on a judgement of myself in relation to this perception of myself in having no value, that I have designed for me a value of a kind in being superior to this part of me that has no value in itself. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide this part of me away that I have judged.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what might be exposed of me within the Challenge of: Are you for real? I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear such questions, and to project such questions onto those around me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to see myself for real within seeing such designs of acceptance and allowance as who I am.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the Challenge of: Are you for real? In seeing within the fabrications and the programming in which I have accepted and allowed myself to exist, an experience of guilt as being exposed within my crimes. I forgive myself within this that what I fear in this experience is the guilt that I have wished on others in my projections of them where I have validated me as standing for the righteousness of blame.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the Challenge of: Are you for real? :In seeing exposed within myself the realities of me within and as not being real, but within a stance of protecting something that is false within me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the Challenge of: Are you for real? :And in being challenged thus to really look at me and within that see a Challenge to Embrace myself in seeing myself in constructs of deception.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself within and as this personality design to judge myself when a memory comes up of me in programmed interaction with the world. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through acting as this judgement have accepted and allowed myself to suppress these moments. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to embody such a personality within and as a part of me, that functions with a timeline fractured by redactions and restricted access, and yet is not aware of that, but somehow breathes the air of a cursory world that is only in the mind, a world in which reality has been edited by the cursory programming.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the Cursory within my acts of self suppression, the memories and moments in which I see myself for real within and as the programming, in the sense of how I really am and who I really am within those moments. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself in Fear in seeing myself for real, and I see that I must let go of this judgement that is placed in here, a judgement anchored into the core of a belief that who I am is not good enough to be exposed, that this essential part of me should be in some way, laid to rest, not dwelt on, not considered.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in life moments within and as a Cursory Design to have projected on the world a post-apocalyptic scenario, in which in some way – way back there – there was a moment in which I believed that I had lost everything, and had somehow become possessed within this thought, and become a victim within and as it. I forgive myself within this that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my own validation of myself that is here into the hands of my projected world where I have seen there comes a moment in which I see and realise that it’s not real, but rather than turning to myself to check this out, I have instead gone into an imagination of myself as existing in a world in which my validation has fallen and is lost. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that what I had lost was an illusion.

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to look into and see myself within existing as that world, to fear the experience within that of who I am and how I am within it. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the impact of my judgement if I were to look at me and simply see me. Within all of this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create fear within me by defining me according to the limitations of ‘not good enough’ in which I have made of existence as who I am as a comparison of the mind, existing in dimensions of competition and winning and loss, and failure.

 

 

I commit myself to continue to deconstruct this personality and release myself from these Cursory systems, so as to redefine myself in Care for real being in consideration for what is best for me and best for all as me in the moments of my life, and within that care that I can look upon myself in and as living self forgiveness, that I can see a memory and instead of judging me, I embrace myself in seeing what I am doing, and in seeing this, not be any longer as disempowered but instead to change me in it.

 

 

 

… continuing next post …

 

 

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~ by adamsblogs on December 21, 2016.

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