Day 364: Ok: I’m Awake, get Used to it…
Living a word – not in the long term context of: as for the rest of my life, or forever, or in a way that I would then require a process or total renovation job – but simply in this context of who I am in this moment of me in this my life – seeing that in this activity that I am in, that I am beginning to slip into thought participations and back-chats, inner dialogues, that are contributing into and as a general mood, that will inevitably seem to justify a decision to postpone what I am doing…
So in this moment – a simple word to live right here and now – in which I can experience myself, and pay attention to how my body is responding to it; which word, this morning, Stretch! This vibrant, sort of entering-the-world, irresistible physical word; saying it out aloud and letting the sound resonate throughout my body came as a momentary solution bridge for me as I began to loll back into sleepiness and temptations to return back to and into sleep.
There is a recognition here of a commitment to myself, that if it were a campaign, I would call it, Ok: I am awake, get Used to it! And through this, seeing face on the denial of this plain fact to be like written into the opening lines and fables of the lullabies and inductions of the mind… Stretch! Like open me, lengthen me, occupy myself, invigorate, breathe, reach, and so then, pull the blankets off, dispel that cozy comfort zone, Ok I’m awake, I admit it all! Ha, Ha! And then, what?
This is where the programming comes back to settle down again with thoughts around this ‘Then What’ question, suggesting that if I do not have an immediate answer for this, then what’s the point, surely some more sleep will do no harm, there still is time to roll back into bed and find a different way to start again, maybe in an hour or two…
And so it’s Stretch, and in Stretch, that I am here, Awake, and in being Awake that I see how I have been listening to this voice that is telling me who and how I am, and that I am attempting to convince myself that this is me, and then shifting into thoughts in which I gradually arrive into a wanting to be persuaded in this invitation, there being this negative region of emptiness ahead… and yet I cannot get around it, I cannot avoid the fact that really I am Awake here, and I utilize this Stretch to support me in myself within admitting this to me, within admitting to myself that in fact I have been awake for quite some time…
So, kind of using Stretch to support myself in deliberately stabilizing me within this responsibility of being Awake. That ‘I direct myself’ within this being Awake, is in a way a normality that I need to redefine, that of course, it’s always been that way, but for through the dreamy night that I have returned myself to a platform of normality being as that mostly who I am is as directed by the mind, and from the perspective of that platform, that directing me is an exception.
Deliberately changing of that platform is an ongoing work, where gradually I gather strength within myself and within strengthening my self honesty that I come to admitting into me that yes I cannot any longer be denying this fact that I am awake, and today, that I focus on my sandals that I have placed beside the bed, that recently I have given to my sandals a place to be, which has also been a new support for me, that I have instigated within and as living Diligence in my life.
See Eqafe’s New series Heart of Matter, and: The Key to World Change
See Also on YouTube SOUL : One Word Opens many Doors
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