Day 354: Dis-coveries in Challenge
From the almost programmed saying: ‘Who I am in Word and Deed’ – if slowed down – comes an extraordinary Question: Who Am I in fact in Word: what have I in fact been living as myself within this Word that plays out into Deed? Supporting us to investigate such a question for ourselves: comes the School of Ultimate Living.
… so continuing here in a process of redefining who I am in this word Challenge …
In releasing Failure, previous post, so also releasing me to enter into, occupy, and look at how I’ve lived myself in Challenge – as in having cleared the slate – to an extent – with using Self Forgiveness as a tool of both release and of self support, and of opening, and exploration, and dis-covery, that now I can begin to see both how it is that I have made a mountain out of Challenge, and at the same time how it need no longer be this way.
But: yes, to an extent: How much have I really in fact cleared the slate? Because I know how easily I leap ahead into a place that is not real, suddenly seeing the expanse of Challenge as a pristine land in a way, as a vision of how I might experience myself without the impediments that I have for so long accepted and allowed. In seeing this, there is a practical caution in reminding me how it is that I can so easily make of something into a positive energy experience, where in partially releasing me from all the negatives, I have opened up a gift that is a glimpse of future self, that is pristine yes, because it is as yet unwalked, and I have then polarized the whole experience, and then confused that new experience with actual change.
Looking into the etymological history of the word Challenge, I find it interesting to learn how Challenge gradually evolved from out of what is now Calumny: false or slanderous accusations, and to see an evolution of the meanings of the word into modern usage, defined as a ‘difficult task’. Reading about this, what came to mind was the challenge of a sentry to a traveller arriving at the city gate, or in a debate, the challenge of false statements, and appeal to facts. There is a practical doubt being cast, and a demand to prove the veracity of a thing, or to demonstrate the reality of it. It is like the signal for a testing process.
As a prototype for a working definition of Challenge, being as a signal for a testing process, this seems quite cool to me, meaning: quite neutral. It is not necessary for a doubt to be reacted to on an emotional level, whether internally or in everyday reality. When looking into me there is a level of trust that I have established where I can doubt myself within awareness of the patterns that I’ve lived, and my awareness of my tendency to slip back into them, and so be cautious in a practical way. Such as here in this example where having released to some extent the Failure content that I had defined as who I am within the word Challenge, I see how I am then seeing Challenge in a new light, as this boundless pristine space in which I can apparently simply now write out a new experience for myself.
So now, looking into this: What had been the nature of the positive experience that I had at first accepted and allowed to exist in Challenge? That is before I had become involved in and emotionally stressed out in the systematic testing processes of school, and education? When I look at this I see how much I had absorbed when I was young: Adventure stories, comics, TV series, where Exploration of new lands, new planets, new technologies, new dimensions, new forms of travel, these were things that thrilled me. Though curled up in an armchair, or lying on my bed, reading books and comics, the word Challenge was this positive experience in my mind, while at play, Challenge figured very much: climbing higher up the trees, jumping off the shed, digging deeper holes towards the centre of the Earth, and things like that.
Challenge was like the driving force in an adventure game, it became the narrative of adventure, where obstacles came up and would be overcome, and they were all a part of it, and within the breadth of the adventure as a whole, there were practical moments, such as in making a plank bridge to cross a stream, the plank would need to first be tested out, well naturally, the plank would be challenged, to see if it would work. The raft would need to be challenged to see if it would sink or not.
So here, as a method of self support in finding out for me what Challenge was for me, how I first defined it, and how I lived it, I am literally de-scribing it: pulling out the words that went together into it and as a part of it. And so now here come words that I had not been aware of in this definition, as within an exploded diagram: Drive, Adventure, Exploration.
Continuing next post… and as I continue I may well loop back into closer focus onto the points and information that I’m raising here and gathering, within this post and in the previous one.
What does it mean, this Redefinition and living of words? Self Creation : SOUL
Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.
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