Day 324: Dream and Pattern
I thought it was some part of a world that I was living in; it looked like one, but I had not seen that these were only fragments leaning up against the walls, like pictures juxtaposed so that if I looked at them in a kind of way they seemed to fit together, fit my story, and I could fool myself somehow that that this was a life. There was a view of a meadow, a field, a perspective of a track, there was the view through the screen of vehicle of some kind, a picture of a gate, a house all boarded up and locked, and then inside the house, a kitchen work top and some crumbs and bits of traveller’s fare, a paper bag with a chunk of cheese half wrapped in it, and two people that I used to know who were not together any more, but on their way to somewhere with their separate plans. And all these individual memories were linked together with strands into some papers in my pockets, sort of worn and pressed and creased with dog eared corners and fears of what was there and what was not, and my hands could feel the outlines of these papers; some of it was notes of money, and some of it was tickets for a train that was paid for in some other country. And in my mind there were these places on a map all scattered, and I realized that all of this was held together in my mind like a story, and there were no places inbetween the memories, it was not real, there was only me here with these scraps of belief and snaps of picture only held together by my own consistency, that in some way it was that my mind required a world.
And then when I awoke, it was still dark and I considered that seeing as I was awake, I shall now get up, but the fact of darkness seemed to say, Not yet, it does not fit the pattern, and what I should do is synchronize into my patterns where all the pictures of my life are linked together and then I can continue to exist through following these, stepping from one image to the next, like stepping stones. And here was a point in which for me there was something new, such as that a tension that had ruled a muscle group had melted and let go, and though I saw that I could choose to tune into the grooming process of my mind, I did not have to: the fact of darkness was not binding, it was kind of arbitrary, and my awakeness was the real thing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a belief of scraps of memory and links of memory to form and model a reality in my mind. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to content to fool myself that this is real.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in fear that something bad might happen if I do not function as the linking of my patterns. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to the output of my mind that I should not be awake and get up at this time.
Redefinition and living of words, Self Creation Insights: SOUL
Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.
EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.
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