Day 321: Mind Gate
In relation to the task I’ve set myself of redefining and living Diligence, in support of me, here I’m looking further into how I have defined myself in Care, and within that how I have obstructed diligence
The realities involved in simple moments of one being meeting another go by mostly overlooked or unseen in the current scramble for survival. Sometimes regardless of the dispensation of The System there is a breakthrough, a moment of clarity, an instance of real communication. But mostly through our human adaptability we adjust ourselves to a paradox of a world that is founded on communication breakdown, and that natural moment is then revered as a highlight of mystical significance.
And as without, so within myself, looking into what I have become in relation to this point of Care, I see myself within this dispensation, I mean, the system imprint, the outside inside system mind relationship, as a whole, believing in my mind that I can extend a simulation of a word into the physical world, where words have become like hollow structures.
And in checking out what is actually real within myself in Care, I mean I asked what reference to me exists within the word, through which I could actually live it; I saw that in the process of giving up on me, that I withdrew the possibility of care from me, and so then made a life around that, and seeing that, then comes the other question: What in Care could then genuinely be resonated or shared from the source of me towards the world? So that was like me going into a house of cards kind of a moment, like realising to what extent I’ve lived a fabrication.
And then looking at this collapse scenario – stepping back from it – I realised but yes ok I am here, but what is it that I am doing here within this making out of care this absolute, this lack in care an absolute? That I am absolutely this way or that way? Because when I look into my life I see that there is evidence of care in empathy in which I have sometimes stepped out of the confines of my self-interest, and for example in the shoes of others, taken direct actions to support, done things to make sure that things are safe for unknown other beings, that accidents don’t happen, and that I have enjoyed assisting where I can, and even if in only minor ways extended and lived the principle of equality. Was all of that only simply for the definition of Care as ‘good’, and doing ‘goodness’ and fulfilling constructs in my mind? No: yet some of me for sure was attracted into this.
And yet what stands out for me is the secret mind, relationships to me in which I accepted and allowed hostility towards myself, as in this example of being ready to stand in a perspective of myself as totally fake in Care, and unwillingness to face this other aspect of myself as living out Hostility, in the form of letting go of the opportunity of developing a care for me within my private world.
I have seen within my childhood years this expedient of self-betrayal for the sake of conformity within the system, and how I gradually walked this into life, where this hostility I later on expressed in retaliation towards authority and the seemingly oppressive forces in my world, while this hostility towards myself I was always aware of in and as it, but did not dare to question it, because the question in itself I feared would jeopardise the very structure that I adopted as a frame through which to live this ‘me’. And as I gradually civilised this raw hostility it became the fuel of my self judgement.
Telling an upcoming personality to fuck off is kind of grist to the mill, this shutting it back down, especially when it thrives on such rejection, it goes back down there, fuelled up, because in a way, the fuck-off bit is a part of it; it’s like a part of me comes up into my consciousness, collecting my participation, as if it were an invitation for my hostility to in this cycle once again turn inwards, where in the secrecy of my mind I feel free to treat me with this measure of hostility as self judgement. This practice of hostility turned quietly inwards would make of Care into anathema to who I am as this possession. So that in the practice of self judgement, in each instance, Care for self is shoved aside.
continuing next time:
Redefinition and living of words, Self Creation Insights: SOUL
Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.
EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.
The Quantum Mind
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