Day 310: Mistake of Life
Day 310: Mistake of Life
Previous post: the word Mistake. Retrospectively, some of the historical roots of my relationship towards and then in reaction to this word. How my behaviour might have changed in the vicinity of this word, fear, that it might or may suddenly pop up in my life. Really as a point of self honesty; that in fact I am seeing that I did do this, or not to that, and that within all of this there exists a mistake which was my relationship to self honesty, which in seeing something real, rather than simply receiving this information and taking it from there, instead I reacted to this me I saw, and went into and as self blame on the one hand, and formations of self righteousness and blame of others on the other.
Just like the parent/pattern that I had inherited, and accepted, and was looking through the frame of; I was looking at myself and being in judgement of myself, being subject to a power of definition that was not from me cross-referenced with me, as the starting point with me, but from everywhere else but me. That was really like a big mistake, that I had accepted and allowed this inversion of reality, that I was approaching existence itself believing that this being that is who I am is something finished, and the way it is, and within that perspective of it, without an inkling of the power of decision to change it, or to improve it, or expand it.
It was as if I had through subtle cultural osmosis accepted that who I am is ready-made, and then finding that I do not like it much, that all I had then was options to deny it, disguise it, embellish it, become superior to it, somehow get along in avoidance of what it is that exists in the heart of me, rather than seeing that I had accepted and allowed these patterns as a part of me, and that being so, therefore I can change these relationships that make these patterns how they are.
Realisation of such a fundamental mistake at the very outset of my life is like an Oh My God wtf have I done sort of a shock horror moment, when this word mistake is brought alongside these words: my whole life, when all the charged up contents of the word mistake spill forth, and then within and as such chemistry, I am at the edge of living as regret or else depression.
So clearing who I am within and as the word Mistake has been a process of bringing it back into the practicalities of learning, of being simply as an opportunity of learning, and with me, that in my life, that no longer I allow this word to be as a focal point for self incrimination, and fear, that I do not accept or allow any longer these distractions from who I am as real in seeing that yes, that is where I went wrong, did this or didn’t do that, that within all of that, I remain with me, in support of me as actually in fact living the word Learning that is attached and part of me.
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Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation • Desteni.org • See: The Equal Life Foundation Bill of RightsLiving Income Guaranteed: The Proposal