Day 299: ‘Lost’ in Meaninglessness
Where I left off writing last time was with, in a way, a memory of a state of becoming intrigued by this apparent ‘secrecy’ that had become my accepted interpretation of my own suppressions, that I also projected on the world, where this intrigue became positively charged, while at the same time the suppression held down tight maintaining as I did a judgment of self, a definition of self as an absolute of worthlessness, and as an experience of shame.
Continuing… The House of Lost: Through the image of ‘a house along the way’, already is implied a story, in the context of a journey, and so, within the journey, a life, a starting point, and a purpose, in this writing, the purpose being to stand up from the patterns that I have accepted and allowed as the matrix of who I am, and to assist myself and others to walk from out of this experience of the mind and into the physical in line with and as Life.
So, having opened up the ‘house’ of the word ‘lost’ a few times now along the way, I come back to it again, seeing more inside it than I saw before, like as with the illustrative dream, a room I had not noticed. Like asking a new question: when I ask myself the question of how does this word apply to physical life, and I have to pause for a moment and look around, and there is for me, no obvious and immediate connection, but a momentary experience of dissonance – and it becomes obvious how it is for me that I have used this word primarily as a component of an emotional reality, with very few actual parts connected to the physical.
What of this emotional reality that I have accepted and allowed to exist and function within the word ‘lost’, and what feeling, what positive reality, scenario, or movie? Because for sure this ‘lost’ has functioned as a component of this system that I instigated, accepted and allowed to be, so that who I am in the experience of ‘lost-ness’, is from how I have defined this word within my mind, and who I am within this word, which I see now is as a multiple energy relationship within the confines of my mind, and hardly if at all with reference lines to physical reality.
“Lost!” In the media world I found vast selections of ready made narrative to suit a refinement strategy of converting who I am as and in ‘lost’ as a bad experience into and as feelings of mystery/adventure drama: The Lost World, Lost Illusion, Lost in Space, Lost at Sea, the non existent book of the Strange discovery of the compelling Mystery of the Lost Being in the Lost Library of the Lost language of the Lost Labyrinthians!
Absorbing all of this into the blueprint of ‘lost’ I began to live a self projected in the framework of a story, as a story. Who am I as the story teller, when I myself have become the story, is as if I had already been and gone and ended; so that within this, whatever happened, happened. Being as at the same time the recipient of entertainment and the experience of entertainment, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have released myself from responsibility and immediate direction of myself here, that I have created a whole mind-game for myself within and as ‘lost’, while not seeing and realizing that the very significance of ‘lost’, the very reason that I would so much elaborate on it, extend it, why this process was exigent to me was that I was living as a definition of myself as meaningless and into that specific lessness as who I am, I had included a subsidiary definition of myself as ‘lost’, ‘lost’ not as a positive feeling experience at all but as a catastrophic event, from a catastrophe that did not in fact exist.
Here are the instructions to the process of accessing our life-force, our beingness, our physical bodies and walking through the mind and consciousness.
EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.
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