Day 297: Meaninglessness: ‘Not Interested’
Entering into something some event some task some meeting in which a programming exists: so that from the outset I have began within this moment into all and everything that unfolds from the equations of this entrance to this moment, and so I en-trance myself in script, with this entrancement as the starting point of who I am.
Therefore first of all seeing and realizing something today as I began this writing, that I was within a particular reaction to myself, as not being interested. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live and carry on within and as the jurisdiction of a judgement of myself in which I have dismissed myself, and that I have accepted and allowed myself to include into this judgement, an energy of irritation. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in irritation combined with judgements of myself because I see realise and understand that it is my fear avoidance relationship that I have accepted and allowed with these bad feelings that I have used to justify a shift or change away from the task in front of me that is here. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within a fear of conflict at the outset of my decision to practically in writing open up for me what is actually really going on within this consciousness design. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to align ‘not interested’ with an experience of boredom. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this backchat of NOT INTERESTED to become as a reflection of the world towards me defining who I am within and as meaninglessness. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to this and to believe in this as an actual reason to not go on.
So I stop, and I breathe. The war is over if I let it.
So now – further into this meaninglessness construction that I put together in my mind that I see and realise to be an act of negligence and a giving up on self option or strategy.
The magical and myth-driven imaginational personality extension of the ‘Golden Thread’ represented in a way, a means that I accepted and allowed myself to find positive experience from out of the negative of meaninglessness. There was a problem that I had created: that in going into hostility and retaliation towards education blurred with authority, and defining other people as having meaning in their educational and career, place, in the system paths, that this retaliation and hostility then became substantiated into meaninglessness, as protection of it. Thus I had closed off for myself at the same time a major route of learning and expansion and participation in the world, together with an attitude towards this stance, a major route of sharing with myself and opportunity of intimacy with self.
It’s easy in looking back on this to see how charged and energized as I was in who I was in meaninglessness, how it was that I did not step back for a moment and look at the situation in common sense. I had a resistance towards or a fear towards experiencing myself as these emotions; as this hostility and retaliation, and the emotions that I had already substantiated also into meaninglessness, experiences of helplessness, and directionlessness.
So now, at the inception of the personality of meaninglessness there was also a sense of being trapped. All of this took place in my mind fifty years ago, and yet up to now I have not looked at it and I have not changed it, that means that I have accepted and allowed it to remain to be so, and this is plainly evident as I look around me in my life now, I see the the consequence of my living as these structures and illusions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am ‘trapped’, and for not allowing myself to see how much the experience of this follows out of my acceptance and allowance of myself as victim to the helplessness that I accepted and allowed myself to substantiate into my definition of meaninglessness as who I am. That simply ‘I can move myself’ is a fact that I commit myself to remind myself in stuckness, and physically moving, and in those moments of paralysis in which ‘They Are All So Busy’ seems to fuel a step out from participation, and into observation only.
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EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.
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~ by adamsblogs on January 14, 2016.