Day 294: Meaninglessness: Backchat 2
Since the beginning of January I have been keeping a diary with the specific intention of using pages with their actual physical dates written into them. I see that this can be supportive within substantiating myself in reference to real actual physical time, and as a reminder to me of the value of this time, this life-time in the physical dimensions. Along with ‘resolve’, I now walk ‘persistence’ also, as to become a dimension of ‘resolve’; through persisting I am forwarding my resolve through physical time. Who I am as persistence supports my stability as I continue to examine specific dimensions of a personality of giving up, arising out of meaninglessness, and this backchat: I HAVE NO FUTURE. Whereas this personality was formed in the self interested scope of immediacy, now with breath and in and as persistence in time and space and in resolve I can use this word to support my own stability.
Who am I within and as the background of this belief, machine code, command prompt wording of backchat that it must be so that: I HAVE NO FUTURE? When I look at how it is that these words seemed appropriate to me, at the time, I see how in that moment of formulation, that the words had seemed to accommodate and contain the pattern of energies that I was in: and it was this that I impressed into the words, I HAVE NO FUTURE. When I look into moments of hearing through my ears this saying of I HAVE NO FUTURE, I see that they are features of a screenplay, they are like the tragic moments of giving up while facing up to ‘all being lost’. ‘ALL BEING LOST’: it is like another conception of energy that has no comprehension of physical reality, working as another flashcard in the series, in this play-out of the pattern into giving up.
Looking into ‘future’ and seeing how this in my mind was charged with feeling of hope, the realization moment that I HAVE NO FUTURE, has also been an experience of the collapse of hope, and so experience of disappointment. I forgive myself that I have created an image in my mind of the future as a projection of an energy feeling that I have defined as hope. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to exist within myself an image of the future that had no foundation in physical reality. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become dependent on this hope as a source of positive energy. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my relationship to the collapse of hope within me, to become part of my definition of myself within I HAVE GOT NO FUTURE, and through that, informing ‘who I am as meaningless.’
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EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.
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