Day 290: A Spurious Freedom
Communication Errors 12: A Spurious Freedom
Been looking at previous posts; the various discontents that I have lived in relation to ‘authority’, and how I had defined within and as this relationship/experience as a personality, a construct of ‘freedom’ in my mind, in which I have accepted and allowed ‘freedom’ as a positive resource, as an expression of ‘winning’, while at the same time, the word ‘authority’, with a multiple of negative wirings, and negative experience in diminishment, and subjugation and subservience, and losing. Within all of this, the ‘freedom’ that I have sought to defend and protect, I have done so in the fear of losing it, and within this fear I have not looked at this, that I have never actually ‘owned’ this ‘freedom’, that it is not a quality that I have discovered to exist within me, that I am one and equal to, but that it is rather as a collection of ideas and aspirations in my mind, an idea of ‘me’ within a state of freedom, a state in which my preferences reign supreme. And seeing and realizing this ‘freedom’ that I have lived to be a spurious freedom, as a kind of main anchor of this personality, then it sets off a tremble in me, so deep into the flesh that I have lived this. As a unit of Humanity, here is a pattern or configuration of a wider disempowerment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to incorporate this conflict into my flesh, into the substance of myself, that I have accepted and allowed a regime of self-hostility to continue to exist within me, that I have accepted and allowed a make-believe that I can escape from this within my mind as referencing a freedom that is not real.
Such as in the dreams of Electric Sheep, in which two replicants discover how they share exact same dreams and memory implants, that they thought were intimately theirs alone; an image of a bird spread-winged against the sky, as an experience of freedom, or the ripples of a flag, tethered in a breeze, where freedom merges into victory, and the mind experience of righteousness merges into ‘God’. So many of the song lines of the sixties carried off this ambiguity of echoing the psalms while at the same time pining for love, for oneness with self through the means of a relationship. As a teenager in those times, I absorbed the music the mood, the stance, the programme. A decade of economic boom, born from out of war, a decade in which going to the Moon did not seem like a mad idea, a decade in which for the new generation everything seemed possible. These were like the cultures out of which I emerged, that bringing to me now, I see how much the constructs of this personality reached into the constructs of the times, and that gradually I remove the nested gold-fish bowls, like Russian Dolls.
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Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation • Desteni.org • See: The Equal Life Foundation Bill of RightsLiving Income Guaranteed: The Proposal
~ by adamsblogs on October 15, 2015.