Day 251: Mystery and Suppression
Human Rights and the Equal Life Foundation • Desteni.org • See: The Equal Life Foundation Bill of RightsLiving Income Guaranteed: The Proposal
Day 251: Mystery and Suppression
Continuing from previous post:
A part of the problem of coming into a physical dimension into and by and from and within the hands of parent beings – and into a world dominated by personalities – I am putting it in this way – because the meaning of and the experience of it all, everything – had been for me the internalizations of these parents’ projections – where in response I had defined a normality out of actually bizarre and curious personality relationships, which were yet, consistent.
There were times when I wanted to breathe the air of an existence that was rid of my father, in which I had gone into an illusion of blame, in which having accepted and allowed myself to be defined in blame, I had then exerted secretly who I was as this same reflection. In a way, as a parasitic entity, I could discard this being when I had fully internalized its structure – parasitic – in the sense that I never really considered the being for and as and in himself, but only in terms of me.
And yet, what were the terms of me, that I had absorbed, what did they consist of – who I was within this blame, this inheritance, this particular concoction of blame that was furnished with disregard, disappointment, contempt, and walking away from – who I was within the internalization of this as my attitude towards myself was sort of as an implication, rather than a direct assertion.
Through my family environment, I believed that there existed in my world these things that were ‘unmentionable’, and the secret reality of me had become an example of them, and this example had been who I am within self blame as self disregard, self disappointment, self contempt, and self ignorance. What on Earth was I doing – I had thrown myself into a gauntlet of projected definition, tumbling through a narrow world of judgements and coming out as an independent authority as a self judging mechanism in control of all that is to be hidden and denied and processed into suppression, and the world I then experienced seemed so broad and wide and yet was actually really narrow and confined. And within that wide illusion of the world, I became engaged in mystery, satisfied within my judgement that I had made it so, that it must be, that ‘mystery’ exists, a kind of game with my suppression. Kind of playing games on the edge of physical reality, as written about in the previous post, where these games become projected in physical reality in the form of movies, where how we see and show ourselves is kind of safe and in a separate dimension. It has been in such distractions that I made a comfort zone. I did not question why did I require comfort, or how did I define this comfort – but then, I did not question, I had abandoned questioning in relation to this point, I suppose that is how I protected it.
In a memory of my father introducing the family to a member of the outside world, he passes quickly over me – Here – I decide not to do the same, towards myself, this me that I am walking through, and changing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in this memory, take this interaction personally, where I have gone into offence and blame, and self victimization and interpreted this event as a piece of evidence of ‘what he really thinks of me’, through my own projection of ‘who I believe I really am’. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse this being as a feeding ground for self righteousness and as the target of blame. I forgive myself that I have confined and limited this being for the purposes of my own self interest. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put my own value of me into feelings of righteousness instead. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame this being that was also my father, for passing over – me – rather than seeing within this reaction the denial of what is obviously so, that I am passing over me repeatedly in my timeline, and here, following the construct, where I had gone into:- ‘Rather to not look at myself, at what I am actually doing here, rather to move swiftly on’. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed guilt towards and connected into ‘who I am’, and that I have accepted and allowed a transition from guilt into righteousness as a pattern, as an automatic function of my MCS and so of my being, of my physical life that is Here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to engage in a pattern of blame as guilt and righteousness in which what is assured is – no change – therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, from a comfort zone, have found a need to protect myself from change, to have accepted and allowed a system of energies that I can embody and use to protect myself from change. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define change as something separate from me. I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to really live the word change, and I commit myself to learn to do so. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word change to the emotion of fear, and within that I see and realise that this perspective is from the comfort zone, in which change has been postponed. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live an existence of comfort zones, where who I am within that comfort is of guilt or righteousness. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this pattern of energy as a means to obstruct my investigation of myself, and my walk out of these automated systems.
EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.
The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start- http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.