Day 249: Overwhelmingness smoke and mirrors around Denial
Day 249: Overwhelmingness and smoke and mirrors around Denial
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear a cluster of information that is in my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the strength of my denial will be unequal to my realization and within that, that I am powerless to prevent a metamorphosis into an experience of diminishment. I forgive myself that within this very fear I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the loss of my resources of self dishonesty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this ‘fearful’ realization will be information about the very unacceptable core nature of my being, that I will then be forced to experience.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can be ‘forced’ into an experience except by the behest of my acceptance and allowance.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have the magic power to deny a part of myself as being actually me, that within the confines of my mind that I have assumed the authority to allow or not allow the existence of part of me, and then to believe that that is real, that life can be simulated without those parts of me that I have rejected.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to personify this superiority as myself within my mind dictating aspects of myself as existent or as non existent, and therefore standing on denial, and giving consent to the process of suppression.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to therefore question the existence of such a magic power of judgement as Self, or to see that the opportunity of the question itself was kind of loosened from the foundations of the denial, shaken by the word ‘assumption’ through which it can be seen that there was responsibility within this, that nothing is such as within this ‘magic’ of ‘the way it is’, but is instead within the reality of that which I have accepted and allowed as who I am, that which I have accepted and allowed as my concern within it whether that has been a concern of continuation of self rejection, or a concern of expansion of self investigation, self intimacy, exploration, realignment, and realization and living of that concern into the wider reality of physical self in the context of physicality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give away my own awareness of my own authority as Here into a personification of judgements of reality. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed within this stance, myself to accept and allow an existence for myself in which I stand in a relationship of hostility towards myself, where in effect my concern has been within and for the purpose of my self confinement, where in fear of information I protect myself from the uprise of it in me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed within my fear of exposure of myself to me, that I have accepted and allowed a tyranny of denial as part of my existence. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a relationship to this tyranny as a victim of it, in mute blame of it, in resignation and giving up,
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within rejection of a part of me, to initiate a belief in me as an attitude towards my real self – of indifference – in which as a gesture of deliberate ignorance, I have accepted and allowed myself to abandon real self interest/concern as this physical substance here, and have instead accepted and allowed myself to be directed by self as energy interest/concern or for the ends of personality self interest, within and as a construct of the mind.
EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.
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