Day 232: Opening the word ‘wrong’.
Expectations – I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that when I project expectations onto myself from others, as in relationships – I go into processes of defining who I am to be, or what I am to represent in place of me – to meet those expectations – that – if I behave like this or that, then they or the other will behave like this or that, and through this deception, I will get what I want.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see how in this I have accepted and allowed a design of control to manage the relationship, and how in this I have protected myself from the fear of loss that then effectively remains suppressed within it – fear of loss generated within the belief that who I am, the ‘real’ me, is not good enough, not acceptable, not worthy, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within these beliefs and judgements.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realise how believing in these wants, this lackingness, is the result of this rejection of myself by me in which I have decided to not rather instead give to me these things, but have sought them in relationships so as to get them, to fulfil these needs that I myself have abdicated my own responsibility for creating.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear experiencing the definitions of myself that I have accepted and allowed, as not good enough, not acceptable, not worthy, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself through this accepted fear to have held onto and to have developed and evolved a positive projection of myself, a simulation of myself, an act, a personality, as an energy solution as a set of expectations of me that I then project into my relations with others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself within and as this systemized relationship design to have accepted and allowed myself to be somewhere in the background of my own life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself within and as this systemized relationship to have abused other beings in my life, not seeing them, not meeting them but manipulating and controlling them as energy resources.
It is within these realisations of aspects of who I really am within relationships that I start to see the significance in my mind of the word ‘wrong’. How it is that in routine scans by consciousness of the day’s events, that in sudden starts and realisations – that I might have said or done something ‘wrong’ – that I might have exposed some secret aspect of the real me – I see and realise and understand how it is that the word wrong has accumulated such a charge of negative energy to it, how it is that the word wrong might function as a useful tool of energy extraction within the mechanisms of this consciousness.
I see and realise also how it is that there is a tendency like a current within myself when I am tired and exhausted of the positive energy experience setting-up of me being this image of myself that is not me, that brings me back into a base line negative experience of myself, steered and guided with negative self judgements as back chats, internal conversations, imaginations, all steering in the same general direction of self diminishment, towards this ultimate experience of me as wrong.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in fearing the collapse of my fabrications of lies and self deceptions that I have not seen or realized that within this fear I am both within and as a personality as this fragmentation experience of energy, in fear of its survival, in fear of losing its existence. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect into the word wrong a fear of non existence, and thus defined wrong into an absolute in which there appears to be no limit to the fear.
To be continued…
Creation’s Journey to Life : Day 503: Zero-Point and Other Points – Evilution – Part 1
Heaven’s Journey to Life: Relationships and Death Day 481
EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.
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