Day 228: Self Questions, Fear and Judgement
photograph : West Pier Brighton by Matthew Closs©
Day 228: Self Questions, Fear and Judgement
Anu: “…understand that this is what your mind and your external environment’s primary function is – to initiate and stimulate your mind’s pre-programming – to activate particular energy experiences – to from there activate particular thought patterns, back-chats and emotions and feelings – all of which you then believe is who you are and so within that you are controlled – and within this is why and how we have so often explained that your external and internal is a mirror of yourself, and therefore the process exist first and foremost within absolute self–responsibility, absolute self-responsibility meaning that you first take responsibility for what is going on in your own mind. What are the thought patterns that are activating, what are their natures, why are reactions of emotions and feelings activating, what is the back-chat, what is this personality system that you are facing…”
An extract from: Interdimensional Technology of Deception and Manipulation – One of the Reptilian series of Portal interviews available at Eqafe.
What does Desteni stand for?
The above paragraph of information could be seen as a compact response to this question; showing how Desteni is opening and addressing a global issue, both internally and externally, and how and why it is that human beings are coming to Desteni and gathering as a group, having realized that a platform of real assistance and support is in place for those who wish to now at this stage in their process learn how to take directive principle and absolute responsibility for their minds.
This Journey to Life blog comes out of my responsibility to myself to face these systems that I had previously accepted as who I am, and in facing them, understanding them, and taking responsibility for them, and thence changing them. Along with this commitment to change myself, comes the responsibility of sharing this process, what it is that I am walking, what it is that I am facing, exposing the systems that I find within me in the realization of the assistance and support that I have found in others sharing their processes with me, the points they have faced, the resistances that have come up, the changes that they have brought about ultimately to a Mind Consciousness System that is common to all of us, and because of this, sharing solutions which are applicable by all of us.
Going back to the quote, and related questions: What is the primary function of my mind? What is the primary function of my external environment? What is my primary relationship to myself? How do I see myself in existence as a whole? Why is it that I have lived a life and not asked myself such questions? Is it really that my presence here in existence is a closed book, or is it that I have not opened the book and looked inside? What is it that happens when I open the book of me and look inside? What are these reactions that I have, these feelings, thoughts and judgements that come up, these sentences, these warnings and advices, these persuasions to desist?
The Question itself is like a kind of interdimensional technology – it is a probe – I can use this tool – I can ask myself these questions – and yet there is a fear – do I dare to question what I trust? That is do I dare to re-define what I have defined as unquestionable? In many ways I am the consequence of an unquestioning existence, that I have sort of washed up on the shore of where I am, rather than to have travelled here by my own direction. I have sort of arrived at who I am, not knowing how, having lived a sort of existential insecurity and placed my trust into the systems of the mind.
‘Placing my trust’. I mean what questions are raised writing this combination of three words? I mean how is it that I have become separate to trust in my existence, and thence to require a word for it, and a placing for it? Was it that I required for this word to exist? So that I could live it deliberately, knowing what it is, knowing what its value is so that I could live it in awareness as me?
Placing my trust into the mind, into consciousness, I have lived unquestioningly of what it is that I have done. So this question – why is it that I have lived a life and not asked myself such questions? – the implication of it is in this resort of placing my trust into the systems of the mind – where there are few self directed questions – but only systems of acceptance and allowance – where things are just the way they are.
So now, coming into specificity – there is a resistance here – as I open up the points of who I am as judgement – and so I breathe – I do not accept this experience of myself as the judgements that I have placed my trust in – I do not accept this experience of fear as I look upon the source of this fear, I breathe and stay with myself beside myself in the sense of me in support of me – so that I can enable myself to look upon these energies without slipping into them and becoming them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that judgements are real, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put my trust into systems of the mind, and then to have lived them as who I am, and then through that, experiencing myself as a consequence of how I have defined myself in judgement of myself, as not good enough, as wrong, as bad and so through that experienced fear of looking in myself and seeing me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that fear is real. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put my trust into the systems of the mind and into judgement and through this to put my trust in fear. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust in fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust in fear and to define this fear as protection from experiencing myself as the definitions of who I am that I have accepted and allowed through my trust in judgement.
Therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a loop of energy creation in the service of the mind where I go from judgment to fear and from fear to judgement, and for not seeing and realizing that I have accepted and allowed a systematization of myself in which at no point in the cycle is there any assistance and support for who I really am, but only the depletion of my physical body and the subjugation of my being.
The finality of judgement – where the multiple dimensionality of existence is reduced by consciousness into various moral compass points and levels of comparison, such as good and bad and more and less, and then things are defined in finality, in total – such as I am in the totality of myself, not good enough, and then the experience of me to go with that, belief of who or what I am according to this trusted mind, what is this experience, a belittling, an underminement, a destabilization, a disappointment, a shame, a core feel-bad experience. And then a ‘let’s not go there’ directive in relation to this experience, so that doors are closed and the enquiry is over. This is the finality of judgement, that the investigation is blocked, the enquiry does not happen, the questions do not get formed or asked, the book is not opened.
Here is where my walking through myself in self forgiveness stumbles, where I have not seen or realized that my self forgiveness has not been absolute – and there is no opening or unfolding of the statements, no ‘within this’ to them anymore.
Considering that in an entire existence that is in reality and in all parts one and equal, there is a mind system defining what is and what isn’t according to the interests of the energy out of which it emerges, assuming the authority and the singularity of a god and within and as this act of absolute defiance of reality, here accepting and allowing this there is in some deep awareness of self in this posture of arrogance and defiance – there is fear. There is an awareness of self in opposite alignment to the one and equal reality of existence.
How judgement engenders fear is a primary question for me, because I can see when I look into my history how I have resorted to and evolved into this trust in the mind, so that within this I see myself using same as my father, as my family, as my culture, unquestioningly judgements as a compass, as a tool to answer questions, and as a way to dismiss questions, as a way to close the enquiry, to block investigation, so as to hide the emptiness of my position that I have suppressed my option of checking within myself what is here – how in my external world I rarely received answers to questions that were not tempered in some way by judgement – it was the way of the environment in which I grew up – within which I became defined – so that in asking a question, I was ready to receive judgements, to resort to judgements and to knowledge and information in my mind – I gathered up a way to approach and to interpret this reality using my mind, following without question those around me into trusting the mind, rather than seeing and realizing that I am here stable within myself, a point of trust within and as my own awareness.
Creation’s Journey to Life : Day 529: Bubbles and The Theory of Everything – Part 3
Heaven’s Journey to Life: From Responding/Reacting to the Mind to Response-ability/Direction in Reality (part2): Day 478
EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.
The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start- http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.