Day 209: Questions I wanted to ask myself, but did not Dare.
Since the emergence of Desteni, there has been a vast disclosure of knowledge and information about the specific nature of the mind, and the mechanics of consciousness, and the interdimensional history of Humanity, and yet when I consider my life in the years before Desteni, I realise that there were so many questions that I had about myself, that I could have simply just asked, could have focused on, but did not dare. And I realise now how much in relation to myself I lived as a victim to my definitions of myself, in justifying my own self judgements, and justifying the reasonings that made me apparently ‘right’ in my perspectives, my opinions, and trusting in my feelings as intuitions, while at the same time there was this point, that I brushed aside, that I did not dare to ask.
How was it that I came to justify this ongoing resistance in myself towards myself about myself? When I look at this I see an awareness of my self-dishonesty, the deceptive nature of my secret-mind, my investments in my strategies of my self-interest, and beneath all this, suppressed, the nature of this me, this implication of who therefore I am behind all this, that I dare not look on frankly, and this belief that my inner nature as a being was something that was finished and complete, something that could not be changed. And so back into the loop of being a victim to my definitions of myself, and fear of seeing myself within and as this disempowerment that I myself had chosen in preference to a realization of my responsibility, and hence the realization of this my opportunity to change.
So in not daring to ask myself, was also the fear that I might hear the answers, and through that be shown something of myself that I did not wish to see; and within this I lived as justified within my own resistance. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could somehow ‘get by’ in this world without ever having to face myself, without ever having to face the essential nature of my decision as the relationship of me towards this world.
I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed myself to believe in this who I am in the essence of myself as a finished and completed object that cannot change, as something that just ‘happened’ to be the way it is, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realise and understand that I myself have accepted and allowed these definitions and these judgements of myself, these experiences of energy as me, and hence that it is I myself that has written into me the nature of myself and thus accepted and allowed myself to live.
Within this definition of myself as victim, I have stood as by an image of myself within my mind in an ‘as if’ reality, ‘as if’ not responsible for who and what I have become, not seeing within this the obvious relationship I have made towards the world as a relationship of blame. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as this, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realise the nature of myself as spite within this blame, or to really see and look upon this blame because if I did I would be forced to see my own responsibility as the instigator of this, and if I did I would be forced to turn away from my absorption in myself as victim at the centre of my self interest. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not allow myself to look upon and be aware of who I am as victim, because I have accepted and allowed myself to make judgements within my definitions of ‘victim’ as ‘less-than’, as ‘weak’, as ‘vulnerable’, as a ‘manipulator’, so that believing the judgements that I have written into my definition of ‘victim’, I have feared to experience myself as victim, and therefore suppressed from myself awareness of myself as the very relationship towards the world that I have accepted and allowed myself to be. Likewise I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to write into the word ‘blame’ negative judgements of ‘wrong doing’ so that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to experience myself as the very relationship towards the world that I have accepted and allowed myself to be. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to write this whole strategy of deliberate ignorance and non awareness of my own awareness into me to protect and defend my victimhood, as my ‘as if’ non responsibility for who I have accepted and allowed myself to be. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to come to trust the judgements of my mind as decisions that I have accepted and allowed to buttress this non awareness of myself.
While in my external world I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consent to an existence in which victimhood is sanctified as ‘human nature’, as a ‘given’, as a genetic/historic/evolutionary consequence that then apparently can’t be taken responsibility for and directed into change. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed for myself to stand and therefore all to stand as obstruction to self change. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stand by and for and with a humanity that justifies self interest within an ignorance of self responsibility for the nature of self and therefore ignorance of ability to change.
I commit myself to walk myself to realization of who I am as life in this life this opportunity of life in physical existence. I commit myself to walk myself to realization of myself internally and externally in this world and this physical existence. I commit myself to utilize the tools of self forgiveness and self correction in the realization of my self responsibility in my being and becoming what I have accepted and allowed. I commit myself to utilize the knowledge and information that is shared by all and for all at and through Desteni and Eqafe to support myself and to support all in the best interests of all others as myself as I walk this journey out of consciousness and into life.
Follow these online blogs:
Heaven’s Journey To Life: Day 370: Believing you can Open the Mind creates the illusion that you’re in Control of the Mind
Creation’s Journey to Life: Day 378 After Death Communication
7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook
EQAFE: ‘The Crucifixion of Jesus’, has been a great support to me because hear within these interviews, presented through the Portal, the actual teachings of Jesus, rather than the ones that were to be, after his death, tweaked and twisted into the four approved versions of his life as the Gospels. How the political message of Equality and the reality of Equality and Oneness were skewed into a religious mantra so as to suit the interests of the system.
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact and in specific detail.
The FREE DIP LITE Course available to All – simply sign up and start- http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/ This is a powerful free introduction to real self-exploration, and self realisation using the Desteni tools, with online support. This really is an opportunity of a life time.