Day 178: Imagination and Solitude (19)
Many thanks to all for the substantial and various support that has come up along and in response to this point of imagination: – blogs, interviews, and chats.
A continuation of the walk through of the consciousness dimensions of the loner personality as ‘solitude’.
Getting straight with Imagination.
This has taken up a lot of time. Walking into my house to find I’m already there, looking into a mirror and seeing nothing- these are pictures to represent a movement inside of me, a movement of something that I had lived with as unmovable. And yet these are similes, likenesses, of imagined experience, and what connects them together is a reaction of energy experienced as a particular fear.
As in one of MC Escher’s drawings, realizing that I am looking at an impossible world, then it must be so that I am coming from an impossible starting point. Here again, I use the imagination to define more clearly this reaction. And so, to be clear with myself at this point, there no houses, no mirrors, no twisted up paradoxes of perspectives, but only me here focusing on the fear reaction, a slip into self doubt about who I am in as and towards and in all relations to imagination. Yes, all relationships in general, but specifically the relationship of separation-from. So a moment of realization that this imagination is in fact not in separation from me, as what in most of my life, I had imagined. And then questions like, so where to I go to from this new perspective of here? Interesting how I just used the word ‘imagined’ in the sense of ‘believed to be true’, as if what my latest imagining was like a ‘working truth’. And yet over and over I see evidence within my thoughts and assumptions about the way things are where I have accepted and allowed imagination to interfere, emphasize, dress up, choreograph, colour, tint, associate, distort, skew, edit, censure, dramatize, and generally to make apparently real a fiction in my mind. And then sometimes I use the words ‘I can imagine’, instead of ‘I understand’, in which I am imagining that I understand, rather than seeing and realizing that I am imagining the aspects of an issue, for example, looking at it from different angles in different contexts, so as to assist and support myself in reaching an understanding.
At this time, these distinctions are to me in support of me, necessary and deliberately emphasized, because in separating from imagination I have given to it my power of direction as and for ‘me’; this ‘me’ being one personality or another as ‘me’ with its own allotment of imagination with which to carry out it’s services as an automatic consciousness of making it all seem real. My understanding of the mechanics of the quantum mind at this stage include the energetics of personality systems, so that for example, it is clear how fear functions as the basis of a personality, and that the imagination that is available to that personality will function in a way to make that personality seem real, and hence the enhancement, and added detail and context to make the fear ever more convincing is all part of the general maintenance of that personality system by consciousness through the imagination. The imagination as the assembly point for an alternative reality has every means at its disposal in the function of making things seem real, because I am the means of this imaginational reality, the extent of how real is this energy reality is according to how much of myself I have given away to this, as this my belief that ‘this is me’, this is who I am, as energy, that I have stood in this and given my consent, I have donated of my substance into this and become as energy.
After and during the writing of my last blog-post, I had come to be facing this point of imagination. The facing of who and what I have accepted me to be within the imagination dimension of the working consciousness of this ‘Solitude’ systematized personality, which is about to embark on the writing of poetry in solitude, hoping to fix up a relationship between imagination and the world system of money. And yet who do I run into here is me, like who else but me, round here – because my relationship to imagination is as this personality’s; and the development and upgrade of this personality, into ‘artist’, is extended on the same relationships to imagination.
This is probably why I fell suddenly into taking it all so personally, this walk through personality, breaching the borders of the personality that I lived and believed in as me. So instead of stopping and breathing and realizing that hey what I need to do now is to look at how I have defined imagination, and how I have accepted and allowed imagination to define itself, I have gone into and as protection of this positive experience reserve as me within imagination, not wanting to let go of this relationship, but have somehow justified this move towards entertainment in my mind and my own self interest.
Further into this, I dream a dream in which I come across a drug dealer’s shack, with all the wares laid out before me. On a shelf, there is a row of green plastic frog-faced figurines, they march along with bubbles coming out of their ears, musical notes from their mouths, their eyes all kaleidoscopic – these frogs represent and contain I supposed a new consumer drug – one that I had never tried – and my curiosity is me as hungry to feed, as awareness reaching out towards this – like what is this new experience, that I have not had, that is symbolized like this? And along with this I have imagined in my mind an unknown experience towards which I now accept a fear of loss, of missing out on this experience. So I have created in my imagination an experience that does not exist and now I fear the loss of an opportunity to explore it? The dream cuts off at this point, while in waking up I realize that whatever else is going on, I can see realize and understand that I am still preserving this hope of me as the mind as positive energy within a drug experience, and as fear of loss in letting go of it, or in the missing of this opportunity to get more of this kind of energy.
The point of taking physical drugs into my bloodstream was for me all about what might possibly happen in/to my imagination, in the whole world of my contained experience and thus my relationship with drugs was the relationship of me towards imagination. The drugs were instruments with which to probe it or to super-charge it, or to randomize it, to break down doors with, and yes as well, to ‘liberate’ it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can become more and superior as energy as me within ‘liberating’ the imagination, in which accepting and allowing imagination to free-wheel and run according to itself I have accepted and allowed myself to become directed by it, and to make actions and decisions in the physical world that are not in my or anyone’s best interests, but only in the interest of energy awareness survival as a personality of the mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be as a personality system and to need to have an inner sanctum of imagination experience as positive energy, as power, as elitism in a secret corner of my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a being in physical reality to have reacted to conflict and friction inside myself to rather than investigate and explore in self honesty what is happening with a view to changing it, that I have instead accepted and allowed for me to not deal with or participate in my own reality as the physical as me, as all as me, but to instead define imagination in my mind as refuge from the conflict in which I allow the conflict to continue insulated in suppression and for me to be content with my self as energy experience alone within an alternative to physical reality which is only energy in the confines of my mind.
I commit myself to live the common sense that I am here, breathing as the physical that is this world from which I have obviously emerged. I commit myself to expand myself into and as the responsibilities of life in support of life, to assist and support myself as a living being to learn how to assist and support myself and all others as me in recognizing that I must take direction for myself within my mind and to learn how not any longer to accept or to allow myself to be directed by it, because I see realize and understand that the motives of the energy as consciousness are in absolute self interest and are in opposition and incomprehension to the physical reality of equality and oneness which is the obvious property and principle of this living physical organism of my body which supports my being here in this life. Therefore I commit myself to self forgive the definitions of myself that I have separated me from into and as the components of the systems of my mind which have come to live as me and for me as the living word of my consent.
More on this next post…
See this video:
Bernard Poolman: Changing the Character of the World
The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact in specific details.
7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook