Day 163: Solitude 4

WalkAloneW

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite my own reality and the reality of all life on earth that gives me assistance and support to breathe and live by believing in my mind that I can choose to walk alone.

 

 

Continuation from previous posts.

 

A fear dimension of the ‘loner’.

 

In these recent posts I have been gathering together aspects of this ‘loner’ personality, gathering the words that I have lived as personalities that together have worked as parts of this main ‘loner’ as a polarity between ‘alone’ as a negative and ‘solitude’ as a positive. The word sublime came up as a sort of unconscious or secret context for this solitude.

 

Fear of who I am within and as sublime, as the greatest most and more of more experience, when I test it out, is fear of emptiness, fear of me as empty and hollow and without content, fear of experiencing myself as an empty shell.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear experiencing myself as hollow and empty and without content and as an empty shell.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being exposed by others and judged as hollow and empty and without content and as an empty shell.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear exposing who I am through fear of being perceived as empty and hollow and without content and as an empty shell.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to how I have interpreted with my mind the perceptions of others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am lacking some essential thing.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must hide the ‘fact’ that I am lacking some essential thing.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have believed that others had already spotted that I am lacking some essential thing, but are keeping it as a secret among themselves, out of sympathy and kindness, so as not to ‘upset’ me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my belief that I am responsible for the feelings of others, through which I blame them indirectly for holding out on me because if they did not do this then I believe I would be forced to experience in myself the feelings which I fear, which is this experience that I have chosen for myself in my own judgement of myself as inferior and inadequate for life as in the realization caused by my belief in my lackingness as empty and hollow and without content and as an empty shell.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others and then to judge myself as inferior, and through this judgement to experience myself as inferior to others, as an experience of shame of who I am within my being.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have decided that I must walk this life ‘alone’ as this experience of lackingness in fear of being exposed by others and judged as hollow and empty and without content and as an empty shell.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have decided that I must walk ‘alone’ and for not allowing myself to see and realize and understand that this decision has been made on the grounds of fearing to experience myself as the negativity of my own self judgement.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe implicitly in my judgements of myself so that I can feed my addiction to an experience of rightness that I have given a positive value to without consideration of how I am condemning and sabotaging myself and accepting who I am as the victim of my judgement.

 

I breathe. I am here. I see and realize and understand the fear through which I accepted and allowed a hope to manifest within myself as a positive interpretation of this aloneness as ‘solitude’ in which I could extend this personality into a positive domain and give myself a sense of dignity and self respect, while not realizing that all of it was self deception, and that within and as this word sublime I had found a way to glorify my self interest.

 

I change this decision in myself to walk ‘alone’. I see and realize and understand that this is and always has been only possible in an alternative reality of the mind, and therefore that this walk alone is a walk into the mind.

I commit myself to let go of this addiction to rightness as a positive energy and to this belief in the judgements that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and be directed by and to learn to support and assist myself  with my own direction of myself within and as my breath and as the physical.

 

 

I will continue with this next post…

 

 

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Changing the Character of the World

 

 

The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact in specific details.

 

 

4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

 

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

 

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

 

Books Interviews Information Music Eqafe.com

 
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~ by adamsblogs on December 11, 2012.

4 Responses to “Day 163: Solitude 4”

  1. “The word sublime came up as a sort of unconscious or secret context for this solitude.”

    I left a comment in Sunette’s blog yesterday about the word sublime, if you can check it out. It came up as I was reading about how we transform fear into hope – and as such how the sublime is considered as this fear turned into a fascination – and as such, not even toward a point of change but plain hedonism so to speak. Might shed some darkness into the light lol
    http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/12/hope-metaphysical-carrot-part-3-day-239.html (scroll down to the comment section)

    I can see myself in this, wanting to be ‘alone’ that I then understood as a relationship of desire and fear at the same time. I share here:
    http://marlenvargasdelrazo.wordpress.com/2012/08/11/119-oddity-please-leave-me-alone/ and the entire series walks around that point.

    Thanks for sharing, Adam!

  2. […] This continues from Fear Dimension in Day 164, Fear of Emptiness […]

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