Day 162: Solitude 3

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed within this image of myself as pure awareness, as a cosmic witness, to have justified a belief in an existence without consequence in which I can indulge myself at all times in following only and alone in solitude my own self interest without regard or consideration for who I am as all as physicality and as life.

 

Continuation from last post. 

 

 

A phenomenon of writing out with my hand one word while ‘meaning’ to write another has been occurring while I intend to write the word ‘solitude’ and instead a few times now, have written out the word ‘sublime’. Enough times to realize that I need to look at the word sublime as well, because while in my mind I am focused on the word ‘solitude’, I find the word ‘sublime’ is also here, and somehow ‘insists’ through my hand to come to the surface.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear who I am in and as ‘sublime’. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to expose to myself who I am within and as the word sublime.

 

 A dictionary definition: ‘Sublime’ is like the ultimate extension of greatness or superiority, magnificence .…and looking up a list of synonyms I find a whole cloud of words many of which that I had previously attributed to and connected up with or somehow associated with the word solitude: (see day 160)

 

…such as, elevated, eminent, exalted, glorious, grand, heavenly, high, holy, ideal, lofty, majestic, noble, proud, resplendent, sacred, spiritual, stately, transcendent…

 

Solitude Sublime.

 

The two words together suggest to me the ‘poetic’ aspect that I was conscious of in my experience of the word solitude, like they could have been from Byron, Wordsworth or Keats, or some ‘romantic’ style of consciousness, where the god experience is blended with the ‘natural’ world and with a ‘sweet’ hope/regret, and loss, and reference to a golden age, mythology…

 

Ok, but I seem to be walking down a little path that leads to everywhere. The word ‘romantic’ comes up here, which I will investigate also.

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give an energy value as an experience of myself within both ‘solitude’ and ‘alone’; to solitude a positive charge and to alone a negative charge.

 

Positive: Special

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as ‘special’ within the word solitude, wherein I have accepted and allowed an image of myself as me as separated from the ‘crowd’ of humanity, which is from myself as life.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as special, to define myself as elevated above others, as different to others, as better than others, as having more value or worth than others, in all of which positions I have stood within the starting-point of inequality and therefore in conflict and friction from what is real as life in the physical of equality and oneness, and therefore have stood in support of an energetic structure/personality as ‘me only’ as and directed by consciousness as a limited energy awareness.

 

Negative: rejected, abandoned, worthless, alone

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself in terms of my projected relations to others in which I see myself through emotions of self-pity as inferior as well as superior through blame in which I see myself as morally superior within having received injustice and wrong.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand that what I have actually accepted and allowed within this sense of righteousness and superiority in being wronged is my own abandonment of life itself in exchange for a momentary stance or thrill of righteous energy.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand that I am in this aspect of being ‘alone’ in fact energizing myself through my own self judgement and rejection of myself and glorifying my rejection of self-responsibility by blaming it on a generalization of ‘others’.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put a value on myself as ‘worthless’ according to what I see as the judgements of others and whether or not I am acceptable to ‘them’ or not or liked by ‘them’ or not, rather than seeing and realizing that the only value of myself can actually be as the life which I am here in the physical reality.

 

 

‘Noble’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as noble within the word solitude.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as noble, to see myself as having been born for a ‘higher’ purpose, with my attention focused on another world that is beyond this one and far away, and not here.

 

Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as noble to justify abdicating my responsibility within and as the physical and as the team of life responsibility here, but instead claiming a higher and better responsibility that has been chosen for me only and therefore me within and as being a chosen one and a reminder to others of another existence that is not here.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as noble to exist within and as a positive judgement of myself as having ‘good’ intentions within and as a ‘higher’ morality as a system of energy within my mind, in which I have accepted and allowed myself as knowledge and information of a higher justice and higher laws.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as superior within ‘nobility’ through which I have accepted and allowed a version of arrogance as who I am, in which a ‘self-lessness’ has been enacted for my own benefit to enhance my image of myself within my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give a positive value of energy to selflessness through which I have praised myself as a mind in absolute separation from life and from the physical.

 

Negative: Injustice to me blame

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as ‘nobility’ to not see and realize that I am justifying superiority to others through a form of martyrdom in the face of the injustice of the ‘cruel world’ in which I am secretly being energized in righteousness and blame.

 

Therefore within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as nobility to define myself as an ambassador for another existence somewhere that I realize now can only be as energy and as a system of the mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as noble, to have no bill, therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself within noble as having the special privilege of no consequence, within which I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is my right that others pay for me.  

 

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interpret this shift of my experience from out of ‘alone’ as negative and into ‘solitude’ as positive as a feeling of being ‘saved’, like shifting out of a bad dream into a good dream, never realizing that both were dreams.

 

Negative: being damned

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make of solitude an experience of being ‘saved’, saved from the negative judgements and definitions of myself within my mind and saved within a picture of myself as special within being in rejection of the earthly realms, and therefore in my mind, significant in front of god.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to how I am seen through the eyes of others, as a victim, in ‘alone’ as a negative experience within being in the cold, rejected, neglected, or abandoned, or as in ‘solitude’ within the hope of warmth, fondness or admiration or praise or sympathy of nature or existence or God.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand that in both these postures of ‘alone’ and of ‘solitude’ that I am in fact accepting myself as an energetic system that flips from positive to negative and back again according to my own advantage of my interests, so that I can claim to be the wounded party in one moment or elevated and above all that in the next; to be as a manipulation device to get sympathy and attention in one moment or to be an object of admiration and elevated remoteness the next.

 

 

Solitude: Positive: a pure awareness, cosmic witness

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as elevated and above physical life in and as the word ‘solitude’ as a ‘pure’ awareness, a cosmic witness, therefore in a position of ‘not involved’ but simply an observer within which I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as sublime in absolute superiority and to judge physicality and life as less than who I am and as polluted and corrupt. Therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand that this corruption and pollution that I have judged as being beneath me is my own self pollution and corruption that I have accepted and allowed within the physical as me and is the consequence of this rejection of myself in favor of a definition of myself within and as a system of the mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed within this image of myself as pure awareness, as a cosmic witness, to have justified a belief in an existence without consequence in which I can indulge myself at all times in following only and alone in solitude my own self interest without regard or consideration for who I am as all as physicality and as life.

 

Alone: Negative: an untouchable, filth

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as untouchable and as the trashed one of the system and then to have used this judgement definition of myself as a justification that therefore I can have no consequence upon the world, and therefore I am free to pursue my own self interest without regard or consideration or responsibility for who I am as all as physicality and as life.

 

 

 

I commit myself to when and as the word solitude and the word alone come up in me, to stop, and to breathe within and as this one physical experience of life, here, because I see and realize and understand that ‘aloneness’ and ‘solitude’ as I have previously defined them cannot in fact be here at all but only as a perspective of a personality that looks into the world and only sees the mind.

 

 

 

 

Continuing next post…

 

 

 

NEW

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Changing the Character of the World

 

 

The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact in specific details.

 

 

4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

 

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

 

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

 

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~ by adamsblogs on December 8, 2012.

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