Day 158: Kidding Myself For Energy
In accepting and allowing the I don’t care character to initiate and charge up, I realize that through fear I am going into a belief that I can escape from responsibility.
Having accepted and allowed postponement of the task that is here before me, I do not feel good, I need to justify and validate my decision here that I have let go of my responsibility and my commitment. But I kid myself that I have let go of my responsibility, because it is still is here, so it’s more like how can I kid myself more convincingly, so as to feel ok, and keep/have/get this positive energy experience in purity unsullied by these bad feelings, so as to match that image in my mind.
Who am I within and as this character of I don’t care? It is like I am appealing to my rights, living as an assertion that I have a right to not care, and to continue not caring for as long as I wish, because I have this power to care or not care to wield exactly when and as I choose, or as the feeling takes me. So I go into defensive strategies in protection of the system and the mind, and I do my best to suppress myself as this awareness of responsibility and so allow myself to go into the choice that has been made for me within not mattering anymore but becoming as an energy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can separate myself from my responsibility, that somehow I can be not responsible for what I have accepted and allowed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget that I have imagined this reality in which I am not responsible for what I have accepted and allowed.
I commit myself to see and realize and understand that I have always been responsibility itself within my self suppression within my self distraction within my acceptance and allowance of all things in every moment that I have lived.
I commit myself not to wake myself up but to stop attempting to live this denial of myself that I am not already in fact awake.
The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact in specific details.
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