Day 154: Lazy: A Memory

 

 

 

Aged 12 or so, lying in the long grass on my back, with the grass stems towering up around me like trees, the sound of insects, busy bees, and a bird swoops overhead beneath a clear blue sky. I am on my own and nobody knows that I am here, and within this I experience myself as having no pressure on me, and looking at the clear blue sky, I could be anywhere, and within this I experience as if for the first time, myself. Why would I remember that was because there was something about that particular experience/discovery that was important to me. Looking at this now I realize that I could not access this tranquility of simply being unless I was on my own, and that my relationships with others in my world were fraught with difficulties and awkwardness and insecurities, and my own characters. I realize that because if I had thought that, ‘someone, for example, X, knows where I am’, that then I would not have been here with myself but as a character in relationship to X, and that would have been to me like an experience of pressure, to either do something or else to not do something, but anyway to be in a reaction, or to become this statement that seemed like a compulsion, ‘That I must be now, who I am to X.’

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach a positive experience of energy to this picture of myself as a memory in my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach a positive experience of energy to this picture of myself as a memory in my mind in which I am alone experiencing myself without the pressures that I have accepted and allowed myself to put on me of attempting to become as something else that is not me for others within which I have judged myself and through that accepted and allowed a negative experience of me, so that in being alone I am feeling free from that and go to positivity.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach a positive experience of energy to this picture of myself as a memory in my mind of lying on my own upon my back amongst some long grass looking up at a clear blue sky and hearing buzzing bees.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be looking for and holding on to an experience of myself that I have once had when I was young and have therefore feared to lose, instead of realizing that I am here.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see or realize or understand that I have accepted and allowed this positive energy experience of myself, alone, out of fear of how I might appear or not appear in the eyes of others when I am in the company of others, and through that fear have created characters to act for me.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see or realize or understand that through judging myself and feeling ashamed of who I really am and hiding the fear that I have accepted and allowed of how I might appear through the eyes of others, that I have become enslaved to this fear that I created and have become dependent on the approval of others, through which I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘I must be, this or that for others’, and therefore lived under pressure from myself that I created.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach this positive image that I have created from this memory of lying down on my back amongst the long grass beneath a clear blue sky and hearing the buzzing of bees, to the word ‘lazy’ through which I have accepted and allowed myself to create a positive experience to ‘lazy’ in which I have withdrawn myself from company and pressure on myself and justified not participating equally with others.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to see and realize and understand that within and as this positive experience of energy as who I am in laziness, that I am not here, but in my mind as an energy experience.

 

I commit myself to take apart the components to this laziness that I have accepted and allowed myself to live. I commit myself to take apart the components to this ‘pressure’ that I have accepted and allowed as real and have then reacted to with laziness.

 

I commit myself to breathing and to slowing down myself within and as this practice of deliberate breath, to learning how to be here absolutely with and as myself whether I am alone or in the company of others.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Changing the Character of the World

 

The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact in specific details.

 

 

4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

 

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

 

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

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~ by adamsblogs on November 9, 2012.

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