Day 137: The Liar Character part 7
This looking for a positive experience of myself in writing is a definite point in which I swerve back into the mind, and seek to make real the get-away from self option, with self seen as the negative experience that I accept and allow myself to fear or leave behind: there is an in-front and behind dimension opened up here now also which I have shown myself, in which I am apparently going to somewhere, or going away from somewhere, rather than being here, stable in breath. The physical activity of looking out of the window with my eyes towards the sky and the ‘state of the weather’, or what the sky looks like, is always a useful indicator to me of a reaction of hope. And there was a thought come up like, can’t I ever get out of this family construct bubble that I feel trapped in, so that I can find my way into the outer world, and there in this positive experience vision, actually partake in life, instead of being stuck here amongst the voices of my memories? This ‘getting out’ could easily become some further postponement backchat like I could just get some air, go for a walk, see the trees wagging around in the wind. Or like couldn’t I just be walking another character, that would be cool, a character I liked, or but I don’t like walking this liar character.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look towards the end in which I have finished writing this, as if it’s already done, and it’s all over, and now I can consume some positivity experience of energy.
In this hope, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I already know what it is that I am going to write, and how I am going to experience myself as a negativity experience in writing it, and therefore accept and allow myself to go into the pattern of seek and find excuses and justifications to not go there.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to partake in a picture in my imagination of my family-bubble as a physical object with windows like this house, which I can just simply walk away from.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a picture of myself as trapped inside my family-bubble, in which I have accepted and allowed myself to see the relationships that I have made within my childhood, as all in one amalgamated overpowering relationship in separation from myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a relationship towards my ‘family’ as if this was a single entity, and for not seeing and realizing how within this relationship that I have made a relationship between myself and a picture in my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take into consideration the other beings around me and what and how my actions had and still have consequences on them, but have instead chosen to experience myself as a victim of this ‘group’ which I have imagined in my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine in my mind and hope that I could somehow possibly ‘skip’ over the consequence of who and what I have become and somehow emerge elsewhere as if I had not really spliced my being into these energy relationships but been ‘alive’ as separate within my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in my mind I know what life is.
I commit myself to walk this process and to walk the journey to life with all life with the process of all life so that I may come to be here in existence in support of all as life and so participate in life.
I commit myself to practice staying in breath.
The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact in specific details.
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