Day 133: The Liar Character 3

 

Continuing from last blog:

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate at this point in thoughts of overwhelm-ment in which I see myself at a multiple crossroads with a sign-post of directions pointing to blame, jealousy, anger, mother, father, expectations, lies, characters, dimensions, family, Cain and Abel, the land of terminal fuckedness, etc. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to such thoughts as: ‘I cannot embrace it all’, ‘It’s all too much’, ‘I don’t know where to start’, ‘It’s such a mess’, ‘I’ll definitely lose my thread’.

 

I commit myself to walk this Journey to Life, realizing that there are points that are here for me to access and other points that are not clear or even visible as yet, and that there are points that I will have to walk and re-walk till they’re clear, so I walk with what is here and not judge what points are here as ‘not belonging’, and ‘not in place’.

 

So I walk now through this memory, and its components, and the question that came up of ‘What Happened?’

 

 

The memory. Looking at this, I see myself entangled in relationships of blame. There is also my fear of anger, and my use of anger to try and fix into place the responsibility that I put onto another as blame, and my fear of being on the receiving end of anger in which I fear that I will have my own responsibility landed back onto me, and so I am fearing that I will no longer be able to exist as a character of blame, through which I have avoided my responsibility and hence my own reality, and now will have to change.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to initiate a character of lies in this situation or crisis of the mind where I see the character of blame cannot survive, in the face of the physical evidence of this broken glass, and within this to have developed and evolved this function of avoidance of my own reality by making a direct assault on reality itself through and as my mind by altering the timeline history so as to continue to suit and accommodate my fear according to my own self interest, in absolute disregard of what is actually here.

 

I forgive myself that that I accepted and allowed myself to fear above all things the realization of who I am as responsible for me within and as this life.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see realize and understand that this energy awareness consciousness depends upon this specific fear, depends upon my investment of myself within this fear for it to prosper and survive.

 

I commit myself to take responsibility for this responsibility step by step and breath by breath self forgiveness by self forgiveness and correction by correction because I see and realize and understand how I have sabotaged myself with layers of beliefs and programmed reactions and systems of energy all of which contain relationships to this fear of my responsibility.

 

Locked Out.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have made an image in my mind of having no responsibility, in which I see myself with rights to be not responsible for myself, in which I see myself as being ‘cared for’ and ‘loved’ as a baby by my mother, ‘wrapped up in a blanket’, warm and cosy, ‘watched over’, physically held, and for connecting to this picture an experience of positive energy.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in polarity design in which I have made the opposite pictures in my mind of ‘I have no rights’, ‘no one cares’, ‘I am not welcome’, as pictures of me standing alone, in the cold, locked outside, and for connecting to this picture a negative experience of energy.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the physical house interior in my mind to my mother’s domain, so that when I see myself as locked out of the house, I experience an obstruction to my access to my mother, and to my positive experience of myself according to the picture in my mind of having rights to no responsibility within being cared for, loved, wrapped up in a blanket, warm and cosy, watched over, and physically held.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel jealous of my brother because I see a picture in my mind of him beside my mother such as in an intimate relationship of ‘helping her in the kitchen’ in which I see him as having something that I do not have which is the positive experience of myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect to a picture in my mind of having a relationship with my mother in which I am cared for and loved.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my brother because in my mind I see a picture of him having stolen my mother’s affection, in which I see him as being an obstruction between myself and my positive experience of myself, and therefore I hold him as responsible for my negative experience of myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my mother and my father because they do not fulfill the requirements of a ‘happy families’ picture in my mind of parents loving all their children equally, to which I have attached a positive experience of energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a picture in my mind of my father playing with me and doing things with me and enjoying himself with me the same as how he is when he is with the girls, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach to this picture a positive experience of energy, so that when I go to see him and ask for his attention I expect from him to fulfill this picture in my mind, and when this does not happen I do not get a positive experience of myself, but instead feel disappointed and sad, not realizing that this experience of disappointment and sadness is because of this picture that I have accepted and allowed within my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to my brothers and sisters, in terms of how much intimacy and affection that they get from parents, and that because of this I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as inferior, because I see myself as getting less than them.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to from judging me as inferior to desire to experience myself as superior to my brother by chasing him and overpowering him physically in ‘games’.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as superior to my brother because I am older than he is.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can pull ‘rank’ on my brother because I am older than he is.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as inferior to my brother because I see that my mother has a bond with him.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as inferior to my sisters because they are older than me and because they have a special relationship with my father that I do not have, in which he talks to them and plays with them and gives them his time, which activities I have accepted and allowed myself to make a picture of and connect to it a positive experience, so that when I see my sisters I see them as superior to me in having this ‘father’s gift’ of a positive experience of themselves that I do not have, because I have accepted and allowed this picture in my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the anger of my father because he shouts at me when I raise my voice against my sisters or my mother.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel powerless in the situation of being bullied by my sisters because I fear my father shouting at me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear asking of my mother to have some of her attention to fulfill the image in my mind in which I get a positive experience of myself, because I know that if I express myself to her then I will not be able to disguise the blame I hold against her, and if I raise my voice then I will have my father shouting at me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself within the family situation to feel powerless and ‘locked out’ because I can get no access to a positive experience of myself according to the pictures that I hold within my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to need to have a positive experience of energy as myself rather than to simply breathe and realize that I am here.

 

 

Continuing next blog…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Changing the Character of the World

 

The Quantum Mind
This series is for a serious student that cares about LIFE and endeavour to understand how creation functions in fact in specific details.

 

 

4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

 

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

 

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

 

Books Interviews Information Music Eqafe.com

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~ by adamsblogs on October 7, 2012.

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