Day 110: Negative Glory for Everlasting Dreams
Continuing with the daydream character:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have lived this character as ‘who I am.’
I commit myself to change these relationships that I have made towards the physical in which I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the world as less than real, or as a spiritual reality, or as a metaphor or as a game or as a puzzle or as a thought, a memory or anything I chose to judge it as or shift it into being within my mind at any given moment of a dream.
I commit myself to remove this space, this vacuum that I have made in which I have stood back from what is here. I commit myself to step forward into as and with the physical, to reach and touch the physical with the physical that is who I am in the realization that this physical is actual and real.
When and as I see myself go into this drift/shift of energy into wondering within the mind, I stop, I breathe, I touch the physical within and as the physical of me, I remind myself that this is a physical existence and that this is real. I remind myself that everything I touch and rely on and depend on is the actual real physical consequence of a billion actual real lives. I remind myself that this fear of physical reality has been utilized by me to make a shell around this comfort zone for the entertainment of my own self-interest.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately extend my being into these energy relationships of spite towards my physical world in which I have come to exist as spite itself, struggling to survive and to preserve its unreality within and as a consciousness that does not give a fuck, but only wants more energy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to face the actual impossibility of who I am as this mind system character of illusion in a physical existence sustained by a belief in separation and in being alone as a singularity of ‘I’ness in a sheltered ‘kingdom’ of the mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see or realize or understand or face myself within this question that I can either keep my fear as real or lose this character of mind, because this character depends on spite towards reality to continue to exist.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see or realize that this question has always been before me but that I have chosen always in favor of myself as mind as energy as an illusion in this physical world and so have chosen to keep this fear as real.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in fearing I might lose this character of mind to have manipulated the decision to remain as who I am as this character of mind by accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my own responsibility for my fear of fear, and therefore kept it real.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and to not realize and to not understand that I have accepted and allowed myself to glorify my fear as fear of fear so as to deliberately create this experience of protection of myself within and as a system of the mind in which I then continue to play within my ‘safe’ experience in an illusion of separation from the physical world.
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