Day 102: Daydreamer and the Physical

 

In a walking dream state, there’s no reference to self, it’s all just like a river of consecutive experience until the point arrives of collision with reality. That was how it was in my early life. A memory comes up of a playground, and I am watching a football hurtling towards me and then it hits me in the face. It’s like I am there, wearing the correct outfit and willing to participate, but yet I am essentially not connected. My first experience on a football pitch was discovering that after twenty minutes of chasing after and not connecting with the ball that both my legs were hurting, for the simple reason that my body was not fit or trained or prepared for this, but I did not realize that, it was that it seemed to me and I just believed in my mind, that my body should just do what I as my mind, ordered it to do, and when this did not work, then I believed that I was not a ‘footballer’, not ‘athletic’, not ‘sporty’. The trauma of a compulsory cross-country run in this physical condition in which I struggled to finish at all, apparently because although I had a body that looked just the same as others, somehow it was not capable or able to do this athletic stuff.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with my legs because they could not do what I as a mind in separation wanted and expected them to do which was to run and to compete with others without any physical preparation or training.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that my body needs to learn and to be trained and to develop muscles in order to carry out athletic activities.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my body should just do what I wanted it to do.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there must be something wrong with me because my body cannot just do what I wanted it to do, without being trained or practiced in the skills that I expect of it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on physical tasks because my body could not do what I was imagining in my mind that it would do.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to strain and hurt and cause suffering to my physical body through my expectations and demands of it according to what I was imagining in my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my body, believing that it had ‘let me down’ in being ‘not good enough’ to fulfill my expectations.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as ‘not good enough’ and as a ‘loser’ because my body could not move as fast as I expected it to move according to an idea in my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid physical activity as ‘hard work’ because I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to experience again this diminishment that I have inflicted on myself in living out these definitions of myself as ‘not good enough’ and as a ‘loser’.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this negative experience of myself in a picture of ‘hard work’ as a justification of going towards the easy option of being absorbed into and as my mind and accepting and allowing myself as the day dream character.

 

 

Changing the Character of the World

 It is my Opinion  see also the Opinion Character

Journey to Life Day100: Giving it your All – 100% Life Commitment

4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

Catch up on:

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

 

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

AND…Check the e-bookstore as well as FREE downloads at Eqafe.com

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~ by adamsblogs on August 5, 2012.

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