Breaking into this mind-sludge is the first part of this realization that I have the option to direct and to not allow this state of congestion as a victim of it or in separation from it. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare a state of mind to a physical process of the body and to accept this energy accumulation as a physical sensation about which I can do nothing but wait and hope for it to clear. And so I breathe. The consequences of the daydream character through which I have lived are multiple; it is like there is a fragmentation of my total perception, in that when I take a look at what it is that I observe and what it is that catches my eye I realize how much I have allowed my mind to independently be operating the muscles and the focus of my physical eyes, well it’s kind of useful in a way because here in what it is that catches the interest of my eyes I see the system is exposed. As a scavenger that feeds on energy, I notice how my eyes as the character of the daydreamer, are on the look out constantly for opportunities to refresh the daydream as a positive experience within escape from what is actually here. Like for example in the shadows of the landscape, or in the vegetation, in the gaps between objects, in darkened windows, wherever it is that I look there is always the opportunity of shadow and darkness and areas of the unknown as entrance points for the daydreamer to take possession like even for a moment to be sucked into the mind and to be reconnecting to that other world within the mind. Places to hide, places to possibly have a life in unreality. To flag these moments up has been to be surrounded by flags in all directions, such is the establishment of the daydream character that I have accepted and allowed to manifest as me and for me in my world. It’s like I have chosen to rather than abide with a constant and continuous existence in physical reality, to skip from one place to another as in little sips of positive experiences of ‘e-scape’ within the forgotten context of a world of fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand that this experience of energy as fear that I have accepted and allowed myself to overlay across the physical reality of the world is in fact another dream reality that I have made up out of memories and experiences of my childhood that once I had accepted and allowed myself to believe was reality itself and so from that starting point have made this other dream of escape as an experience of me as a positive accumulation of energy in flight from one dream to another and in so doing have accepted and allowed myself to be a mind-reality in separation from me as physical reality, and so have accepted and allowed myself to utilize this daydream character to give up on who I really am.
“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to beLIEve that energy/energy-experience, that was existent within me, experienced within me from childhood is the total defining nature of ‘who I am’ in the “experience of me”. Not seeing, realising and understanding that with me “experiencing me” as energy, was in fact me as the mind “experiencing itself” and as long as I exist within/as “experience as energy, existent only within/as the mind as me in separation from/of the physical”: I am not in fact living, not in fact here in REALITY. As the “experience” of me as energy is created/conditioned into, as and from memory-interactions within and as my Mind-Reality, in separation from/of Physical-Reality, with the “experience of me” existent as reactions to/towards my external world/reality. And as long as I exist as energy from memory/mind, reactive to/towards my external environment/reality: I am not in fact here in actual physical real-time as breath, moving equal and one with/as my world/reality; and so why/how we have become a reactive humanity, reacting to the world from memories in our minds as energy-experiences, and so not living equal and one in physical real-time to develop solutions for ourselves and for all, as we’re too preoccupied reacting / “experiencing OURSELVES” in our own Minds.”
Extract from: Heaven’s Journey to Life, Day 110
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