Giving up on who I am in facing me in this physical moment when I can slip into an alternative dream reality in which who I really am need no longer be a question.
Walking through my school experience and the Giving Up Character I realize now that the Day Dreaming Character was already established as another pattern of energy in my mind, and that it was desire for the apparent solace of the day dream and for wanting more and more of this experience that I chose to give up on myself as a participant in physical reality at school. Being ‘puzzled’ afterwards about my school experience was an aspect of this, in that I was sort of drifting through my school years distracted as if it were a dream, and my difficulties to come to terms with school, and physical activities, and relationships with others was a reflection of the extent of possession by the mind that I had accepted and allowed as me, as this day dreaming character. I walked through some of the childhood of this character in Day 64.
The sort of fantasies that were my pre-occupation when I arrived at school were such things as for example from the TV, Dr. Who. Here the story is based on an escape from the physical reality of being apparently ‘trapped’ in this time now, into a small black box with a multi-dimensional interior.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to my own entertainment of myself as an accumulation of energy within my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be captivated and possessed by an idea in my mind or a story of escaping from this physical reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed as my self the characteristics of this character that is in flight from a hostile reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be captivated and possessed by an idea in my mind or a story of escape that is aided and supported by a futuristic version of high technology.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed as my self the characteristics of this character that hopes for and desires a high technology as a solution to fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed as my self the characteristics of a character that believes that through a high technology hopes of travel to a future time can be made real.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed as my self the characteristics of a character that believes that security can be found within the multi-dimensional interior of a symbol of the mind as a time-machine.
Looking at the interior of this time-machine, the ‘Tardis’. There is a central control consul covered with lights and buttons and levers, in the centre of which a glass like apparatus begins to go up and down like a piston when the machine has been started. It makes a weird freaky noise like the sound of elephant trumpeting played backwards. Then, viewed from the outside, the Tardis disappears from physical reality. Drum beats catch up heart beats and Dum de dum, dum de dum DUM DE DUM DUM DE DUM dum de dum, dum de dum, the base rhythms are established, and then a synthesizer slides in and spikes upwards into an ultra high sound frequency into the top the head, and beyond hearing range.
The experience of this is the gathering up of energy valued and interpreted by the mind as a positive experience in the context of escape. Into the e-scape, an alternative reality, with the energy gathered up out of an invisible atmosphere of fear.
The experience of watching the TV episode as it ends, is that of literally being shafted by the cliff-hanger device, so that the suspense is maintained and the system pattern of the daydreamer goes into an experience of hope and waiting for the next part of the ‘adventure’ to unfold.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give to the word escape a positive charge of energy.
More on this next blog, with the components as characteristics of the daydreamer character, that stands in character game play as the justification of giving up.
Life Review- The Day Dreaming Zombie
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