Day 97: The Give Up Character 2

 

 

 

In the class rooms I would look at notice boards and lists of test results in which my name would consistently appear towards the bottom of the sheet of paper. I did not question how it was that I failed to get the marks, and I had no expectation of support. It was like the daily news of evidence of ‘who I was’ that I was reading, and the evidence showed consistently that I was ‘not good at’ or ‘stupid’ or ‘thick’ at almost everything. Then I spotted an alternative for me, which was to join the ones in the back of the class, the bad lads, who seemed to be quite cool, and seemed not anxious or even being proud of bad test results. I saw them making paper darts and drawing things and flicking rubber bands and secretly playing about, and I thought I’d like to play about as well. Actually going to sit with them and hide amongst them, and get along with secret activities beyond the teacher’s gaze, I had initiated the give up character as who I was as a solution of the way to be.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself through accepting and allowing a definition as who I am as ‘stupid’ and ‘thick’ and ‘not good at’.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand that this limitation that I live and so believe as who I am is possible to change.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach test results as written by my name in a list on a notice board as definitions of who I am.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare my life as defined by numbers on a list to the lives of others which I accepted and allowed myself to define and limit also according to the test results by names as written on a list.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as less than others in my being through defining me and comparing me according to numbers on a list.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in feeling these lessons in the school to be a burden that I could not carry.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as bad and to feel bad about who I am as less than others because I have accepted and allowed myself to define my being and theirs according to numbers on a list.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as inadequate to learn, and to make the prospect of learning how to do these lessons seem impossible in my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in backchat in my mind that says ‘I can’t keep up’, and ‘I am no good at this’.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my own diminishment of me to justify giving up on me so that I go into a group of beings I see as cool and having fun and do not care.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to walk myself as cool and having fun and as not caring about learning things but being instead as energy within my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in feelings of excitement that I have released myself from my own expectations and the expectations of others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself and others into having low expectations of me so that in not being expected to be able to do what I had in front of me to do I could then do what I actually wanted to do which was to mess about and just have fun.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define cool as not learning things not facing who I am in front of tasks to do in an energy polarity so that learning things is now not cool.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as superior to others in choosing to give up on me in which I justify myself in saying things like ‘who needs Latin?’, Who needs French?’, ‘Who needs history?’,

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the ones who learned as ‘subservient’ and inferior for obeying the rules, and as secretly special in being above all that.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as superior in being ‘free’ to not obey the rules, through which I escape from realizing my own inferiority that I have made of me in giving up.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the attention of the teacher because I see him having expectations of me that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I can’t fulfill.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to secretly fear this label of being thick, and as a reaction in my mind to see myself as being so clever that I do not need to learn this ‘stupid’ stuff.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into my secret mind as the give up character and then become the daydreamer that longs for the end of lessons to arrive.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in day dreams and desires to be not Here.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed within my secret mind about my future life the backchat that ‘somehow everything will be alright’, without any practical reference to physical reality why this should be so. Within this belief I see how I developed as well as the day-dreamer, and later, the happy-go-lucky character.

 

I commit myself to investigate these points of self interest as in desires I have wished to keep and to hold onto while giving up the tasks before me because I see and realize that while I hold these desires intact the justifications for the  existence of the give up character remains.

 

 

Continued next blog…

 

 

Changing the Character of the World

 It is my Opinion

Journey to Life Day100: Giving it your All – 100% Life Commitment

4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

Catch up on:

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

 

7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

AND…Check the e-bookstore as well as FREE downloads at Eqafe.com

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~ by adamsblogs on July 30, 2012.

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