Day 90: Character Stepping out from Company
Stepping out of the door of the house of a friend that I’ve been visiting, I step out of the character that stays, the one that is immobilized and waiting for a moment when the other is engaged with their own stuff, when if that would happen this character as me would then support the other character out of self interest so that I can do what I must do without the awkwardness I fear.
I commit myself to stop this fear and realize that it is my own creation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and to become this experience of energy in place of me as this character that fears that I might lose myself and seeks to go away in order to collect myself and re-member who I am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can only stay with who I am as breath by being physically alone and separated.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand that this experience of being ‘alone’ is an experience within my mind and is not real and therefore this flight towards this idea/thought in which I see myself alone as positive within my mind as then being able to find, collect myself and recollect recall remember who I am as breath is me seeking to revisit and and re-become this experience of energy as me within my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear this moment while in company that I have to say, Now I have to do what I have to do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize and understand that doing now what I have to do is my responsibility and that I must disrupt the smooth running operations of this Character Plague in sync in order to actually change the smooth running operations of the systems of the world that smoothly has already run into the suffering of humanity as it is now and on into the depths of absolute catastrophe for all life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge what I am doing now that is for myself as all is something that can be postponed till later.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be within and as my character that explains what I am doing now, to justify my actions because I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself as valid in my mind, and within this to doubt the validity of all as life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how I might be seen or judged by others as I stand up now and direct myself to do something for myself and all as me as if there is a breach of contract as I step out of character while in the company of others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize in a moment how it is that I deliberately do not breathe but instead I hold the breath rather than to let go of this whatever character it is that is of this moment that I have accepted and allowed myself to be possessed by.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see or realize or understand that as I hold my breath I hold in place the character of fear that supports and keeps in place the platform of the characters I play.
And so I breathe.
I commit myself to realize the substance of myself as me as one and equal to the substance of this physical world as all as me, and as such to learn to move with Life. I commit myself to this. I commit myself to walk this process of actual physical change within and as this realization that this can be only done through staying with and as my physical breath, through writing out this personality of characters that I have accepted and allowed as who it is that ‘I must be’, and self forgiveness of these programs that I have written into me throughout my life.
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