Day 85: Glimpse of an ‘Inner Self’ Character

Ok so I just opened up a new file and here I go. My eyes park up for a moment down left looking for something; what is there is physical objects on the carpet, but I do not see them, I am kind of looking through them to something beyond. I have made a judgement about what is here before my eyes as being less than suitable for the specific matter of the writing out of me. It’s like I am hoping for something magically to pop up from out of the shadows of the furniture, beyond what is actually here. And there is nothing popping up. This belief of this ‘inner Self’ character that is somewhere else, not here, and can’t be found. Here I am searching for a memory or ‘something’ that I can write about that passes the quality control inspection of my judgement, just a little item from my day, that I can present as worthy of an image of myself that is in my mind, that comes up to and equalizes with my expectations. But this does not work, it never has now I come to look at it. This would maybe account for that rather familiar feeling of emptiness and pointlessness in searching through that whole room again for something that I know is not there, and yet at the same time must be there. Is that the core within this feeling that I can’t find anything at all to measure up to this image in my mind of who I am? And why would I embark again on such a negative experience?

The timeline here: I just open up a file and start to write. Then a question comes up in my mind, of what to write about? I was not slow enough to see what thought came up that led towards this question. It must have been a fear. But then what happened was that my eyes and my attention turned away to look for something that wasn’t here, and then this negative experience of not being able to find myself. Then another thought, but I am tired, and my left hand presses into my eye, and then I yawn, and the yawn itself a pleasant experience of refreshment and expansion and relaxation in which I accept an image in my mind of lying in bed and letting go to sleep.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become directed by these patterns of my mind through which the outcome is to not face myself and to not change, and to not see that I have chosen this, to not direct myself, because I have accepted and allowed myself as fear of change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe this thought that ‘I cannot find myself’ is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect this thought to a negative experience of energy as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe this thought within my mind that says that ‘I am tired’ is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect this thought of being tired and then going to bed as a positive experience of energy as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to face myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear exposing to myself the patterns that I have lived and so become as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for memories that I can substitute for who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold an image in my mind of who I am, as who I would accept myself to be. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider what this actually means.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand that an image in my mind of who I am as what I want and need and require of who I am is an image of what I do not allow myself to already be and therefore is an image of my self abuse that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as less-than even of this thought of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand that I have been worshipping an image of myself that represents a massive hole that I have made inside myself of everything that I believe I lack and do not have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach myself to this image of myself within my mind, and so accepted and allowed myself to believe that this thought was me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing this image of myself, believing that that this thought was me.

I commit myself to walk this process of self forgiveness writing self and facing me in all the patterns of the mind that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and to become attached to because I see and realize and understand that is through this process of attachments to my thoughts and feelings and emotions that I have come to believe that this is who I am.

 

 

Changing the Character of the World

 It is my Opinion

4 Count Breath as Emergency Tool of Self-Support

Catch up on:

Heaven’s Journey To Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life


7 Year Journey to Life @ Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

AND…Check the e-bookstore as well as FREE downloads at Eqafe.com

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~ by adamsblogs on July 16, 2012.

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