Day 77: Supporting Cast
Stepping out of character that enjoys the wonders of the mind, as one who has the keys to the city of light, as one who welcomes energy as mind as who I am, and in and as that welcome of this character has not noticed who I am to so much love this character as me, or how I have accepted and allowed this image of myself to be carried on the shoulders of this crowd of other characters such as the one who is the character with deep feelings, that has this ‘passion’ that is so real and deep and fervent, and supports all characters that speak and sell their deepest feelings of the gut believing that it’s ‘life expression’, and that if this life expression as the feelings of the gut was only to emerge and become a factor in the world, then all would not be lost and life itself would not be trampled underfoot, and so…
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be this character, the one with ‘deep feelings’, the one who has taken up this ‘mission’ to protect this ‘candle in the wind’ as who I am, as this fragile light in a land of darkness.
I commit myself to expose and undermine this character that I have loved as ‘who I am’, this one that has accepted and allowed as Self as one that is Special and Elite with More Importance, measured by intensity of feeling and emotional reaction which I have defined as Passion and a Right to Passage and to Privilege to walk a life as in being this character as an ‘Artist’ with special rights to uphold these values of dishonesty and to mislead and make a ‘living’ or a ‘killing’ as in getting money to survive as my own designed and specialized self interest character of energy, self sustained by the love and passion of self as love and passion of self as energy in absolute defiance of self as life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that as a character as ‘who I am’ and ‘who I have become’ in this belief that ‘this is me’, that I fit the suit, that there is a special place for me, that there is a ground of faith here, a place to stand and walk this ‘mission’ of expression of this ‘message’ of this ‘burning passion’ of this light of ‘life’.
I commit myself to expose and undermine this love relationship that I have accepted and allowed as real towards this character that I have made which also is not real. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to love my own creations simply because they are my own creations and stand as evidence apparently that I as this character of creator am Real.
I commit myself to undermine and to expose to me this character of love itself that I have accepted and allowed as real as necessary in relation to myself that I should love myself as energy towards myself in separation from who I am as life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I needed to find a character that I could wear as me to be able to walk into the world I saw before me, to get a ‘foothold’ on a ‘ground’, to have ‘propulsion’ and a direction in which to go as a ‘mission’ as a sanctified direction according to the righteousness of this character that I gave to righteousness from this absolutely false belief of what is life as me as emotion reaction and deep passion as energetic feeling and energetic thoughts as fireworks in my mind.
I commit myself to undermine and to expose this character the one in fear of who I am as ‘naked’ in a world of people dressed already and ‘ready’ to walk into their lives. I commit myself to learn to walk as who I am as naked life without accessories of fear. I commit myself to learn to walk within and as this world, to forsake these paths of alternative realities that I have walked as mind-fucks based on fear of who I am as Life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have lived this definition that I have made of who I am as this character of deep feeling as this ‘candle in the wind’ through which I show myself this definition of myself that I have made of me as ‘fragile’ and in need of being ‘protected’ by the world, because I am apparently so special. In this I see the starting point of the character of ‘victim that is owed’, and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thrown away responsibility for who I am to become this victim that is owed that is based on blame and seeking out advantage in being this character that has been ‘hurt’.
I commit myself to expose and undermine this character of the one who has been hurt, ultimately the mind-fucked one, not because it fucked itself but because it was fucked by life in this character as an epic tragedy that was a rotten joke arranged by god. I commit myself to undermine this web of lies and self deception that I have used and elaborated in order to justify this experience that I have made of me as not responsibility for who I am but as like an innocent adrift amidst the waves of consequence that was not me at all but forces that was beyond my control, that forced me to experience this self of who I am as me.
I commit myself to step out of this company of characters that I have accepted and allowed as me.
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