Day 75: ‘It’s a Waste of Time.’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this character as real as me that says, ”I can’t go on.” I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this character as me that is the one who gives up, having tried and tried to get things ‘right’, to get things ‘clear’, the last phrase that comes up from this character in which I accept and allow the character as me to be having the ‘last word’ and then ‘winning’ control of the situation in the sense that a decision is made, and with this goes energy into the physical, my muscles fire, and I stand up from the table or walk out on myself or simply break off from what I was doing; seems to be ‘It’s a waste of Time’. So the character that decrees that something is ‘a waste of time’ is quite a dominant one in my cast of characters. That there is ‘no point’ in trying, because ‘it is a waste of time’. Another variation of this phrase is ‘it’s a waste of time and money’. This shows to me that what is represented here is Energy.
It’s a waste of energy because there is not an energetic pay-off, profit, (point.)
In accepting and allowing this character as real I accept this judgement of myself as in having no point, as in being and becoming this pointlessness, redundant. It is in this negative experience of myself that I generate a charge and move my physical, away.
What I had not realized or seen before was that this confusion in my mind between ‘point’ and ‘energy’, that for this character, the judgement of the value of the situation was in terms of energy production.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this character as real.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to a value of energy production within the system of my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define ‘the point’ according to profit and loss accounts of energy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and to become robotic in my physical actions that I am being run from decision to decision as muscular charge into movement by negative energy realization. Even the positive of desire and wanting to get, coming out of the negative charge/experience/belief of not having. I want means literally I haven’t got; I want to not realize that, or look at that, experience this.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to make decisions as in muscular activity according to who I am and not according to reactions towards experience of myself as who I believe myself to be within these characters of energy.
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