Day 63: Giving-up Malevolence
Writing this blog, ‘regardless’ of the thoughts that are in my mind… I realize that in the word regardless I have to be clear within myself that I have not included or connected into it any kind of reaction of spite or hostility, or judgement of superiority within ‘ignoring’ it, which would be to create a hostile relationship towards the mind.
Today it seems that last blog I was looking at the issue of giving up on myself within accepting and allowing myself to not see a solution, and also the hostility of me within my own self-judgements towards me, seems that somehow I take a kind of evil delight within devouring myself, there I go again, not just merely a victim but rip myself to pieces also, completely acting out this energetic nature of my self-malevolence inflicted on the substance of my physical.
I see and realize that this situation in which I am accepting and allowing myself to not care for me and hence for all in the outer reflection of who I am is the malice running rife throughout the systems of the world.
Having judged myself as and defined myself according to this thought within my mind, that Who I Am is so ‘completely’ (terminal) fucked, I give up on myself, I lay down in the battle with my mind. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see in this that I am attempting to Win against my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have in fact set myself up to ‘lose’ this battle against my own authority which I have separated myself from.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that in trying to persuade the mind to give me back my power that I have given to it that I am playing games of manipulation with myself so as to not see and realize that I am responsible.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to realize that in engaging in hostility against the mind that I am in fact fighting for my own survival as self-interest because I have separated from the mind and therefore from myself as all as one as equal.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my thoughts authority to determine Who I Am.
I commit myself to not engage in these reactions to my mind.
I commit myself to walk the self forgiveness of this energy that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and am, so that I may return this energy as me to substance and this who I am as life.
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