Day 57: The Prowling Eye
Watching out for what my eyes catch as I walk. The prowling consciousness of self accepting and allowing self as energy that always needs more fuel through self spite feeding off the flesh of me and all as me to maintain this separation to survive and always move towards the light.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my eyes to catch on the striped jacket of a man and to judge him in a thought that said I wonder how he feels to be wearing such a thing in which I see and realize that I seek to define the man according to the feelings that he may or may not have, I seek to place him in a relationship to what he wears so that I may more effectively within my mind deploy more deeper tearing judgements of him as my eyes alight upon his face in order to seek out more clues of evidence about the man to further justify my judgements. In this I see and realize that what I am doing in this glance towards a passing person in the crowd is to seek out confirmations of my judgement so that I can make more real this feeling of being more superior to one who wears a jacket that looks like ‘that’, and in this feeling of superiority that I feel a positive experience of myself as this roving energy awareness that is always on the look out for a top up.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge a person by their appearance and by the clothes they wear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that my attempt to be superior comes out of how I have defined myself inferior according to how I appear to me as I have judged myself before all others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wear garments according to my fear of standing out in crowds and being judged by others as in judging them I live in fear of being judged myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel jealousy toward a person who dresses like they don’t care how others see them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through jealousy to justify the spite that I exert toward another in my secret judgements.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in fear of loss beneath my jealousy of one who has no fear of judgement.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to realize that I myself have created this fear in judging me for my appearance having compared myself to others and found me less than others I have created this hole of lackingness inside of me and kept it secret in myself from me.
I commit myself to this practice of my walk with breath. I commit myself to learn to walk in crowded places without distraction. I commit myself to learn to walk in crowded places with my breath.
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