Day 39: Spiteful Conversation

 

Today I come back from London, where I accepted and allowed I could not write my blog, that I was overwhelmed, that there was too much all around me going on, where gradually I did not notice I was scattered in my mind.

 

In a room I listened to a man I could not understand, and who did not wish to hear. But that was me. I fell amongst the con of verses of a conversation, with the verses interlinked and mad and interlocked, and when there was a pause I saw my chance to jump in ambush, undermine or somehow ‘shake foundations’ or else accept myself to not speak up, and fear the feeling of ‘defeated’, or fear regret that I said nothing.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only listen to my judgements over-rule expressions of another.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is something that I should say, that I should define myself as who I am ‘towards’ and ‘in relation to’.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as more superior myself as knowledge and information and therefore fit and ready ‘jump in’ and to compete and win.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed within myself the backchat line ‘my position’ through which I have become as ‘this that will not move’, to initiate myself as spite.

 

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see and realize that this position that I take in con-versation in mind support for what is real is me as spite.

 

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see and realize that when I take position and justify to myself that I am right, that I have something to ‘offer’ in this conversation, that I am wishing to impose myself as spite.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I might regret that I did not impose myself as spite.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I might regret that I might have lost a chance to win.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a strength emerge within myself as spite.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a certainty of righteousness emerge within myself as spite.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am here within this strength I feel as spite.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am right within this strength I feel as spite.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to this feeling which is spite.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine in my mind that I am up against a wall of fear and that there is nothing left to save myself but me as spite.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make-believe a wall within my mind, to make-believe a place where I am trapped, to make-believe scenarios within my mind so I can justify myself as spite.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite myself in accepting and allowing of myself excuses to give in and give up on my resolve and my commitment to myself to walk this journey.

 

 

 

See these blogs:

Heaven’s Journey to Life

Creation’s Journey to Life

Earth’s Journey to Life

And other Journey to Life  blogs

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

AND…Check the e-bookstore as well as FREE downloads at Eqafe.com

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~ by adamsblogs on May 29, 2012.

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