Day 37: Keep you Head Up (2)
This phrase came into my mind in connection to the discomfort of an automatic self programmed reflex in some of the muscles that act together practically to support and control the orientation of my skull. Being observant at the time of the movement of breath within my lungs and coming from an intention to ‘not interfere’ with breath, and to as far as possible stop myself as energetic turbulence within my mind, I noticed straight away this contraction in my neck, that then there was backchat starting up within my mind, and then the impulse in the muscle groups around my chest, to take control and move my breath.
So far, some self forgiveness on relationship to energy as me as fear towards myself as feeling and emotion, and some self forgiveness on relationship to energy as me as fear towards the world as others. Me as fear towards the inside and as fear towards the outside.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the phrase of ‘Keep Your Head Up’ as a formula of ‘how to be’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program in this fear of life as who I am into the very substance of the tissue of my body and then to have blamed the action of this substance in its loyalty to me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program hope into me as a polarity of fear, through the phrase ‘Keep Your Head Up’, in which keeping my head up involves ‘looking on the bright side’, ‘looking to the future’, in which I have accepted not to be here at all but in an expectation of a future of positive energy experience in my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am ‘above it all’ in ‘keeping my head up’, that in protecting myself from my own accepted feelings and emotions, I have become somehow ‘above it’, ‘untouchable’ and ‘not involved’, and ‘this has nothing to do with me’, through which I justify that I am not responsible and hold on to my blame, and my positive energy experience of winning.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as arrogance as superiority and self-importance and ‘lofty’ within ‘keeping my head up’ and being ‘above it all’. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the world as ‘beneath me’ and ‘less than’. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am ‘removed’ from the ‘banality’ of the world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in letting this muscle in my neck/back relax so that my physical head falls down and forward out of this elevated posture of arrogance, that within this I experience a feeling of ‘humility’, when really my head is simply falling into its natural position on my neck through its weight in physical gravity.
A single point. That in simplicity, I raised up fear, that in my observation, I was separate.
When I look upon this observation of my breath, I see now the separation I have made, a triangle of breath, body, and mind, with me outside it all as better than and in competition with my mind.
And I wonder how I raised up fear?
How many times do I have to pace this room to see and realize and accept the fact that what I have become is as relationship?
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make relationships towards myself within reacting to myself as all the relationships that I have become.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to kick and wriggle squirm and twist in tantrum of reactions to myself when everywhere I turn I find relationship of me within my mind and I am believing I can extract myself from me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a new relationship as I whine about the situation that I have accepted and allowed.
AAAAARG, and AAAAAAAAAARG
I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to realize and accept and come to terms with this my consequence of separation.
I commit myself to change this stance of observation that I have accepted and allowed to no longer separate myself me from breath, my body, and the system of my mind, but to instead observe the self within and self without and as it all as participant within myself.
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