Day 35: Leaning on an Open Door
How long, maybe 12000 breaths since last I wrote, or is it 12000 pulsations of the same breath, I realize more and more I understand so little of this breath, of who I am. The question of ‘how long’ comes up in my mind as if there might be some stability for mind in measuring the difference between what I remember of myself in yesterday and how I experience myself today.
Like change in who I am towards and as and in responsibility today. This application of responsibility as me: everyday I see it in a different way, like how it applies to something else specifically. I explore a new world that is and always has been how it is because of who I am. In practice though I have not really yet discovered for myself how this applies to everything. And sometimes I forget the principle of this, like leaning on an open door. This ‘leaning’ like a habitual reliance on some part of me that I have not seen has also been my choice, not fixed in non responsibility and blame.
That is what it is that makes yesterday seem so far away. There is such a distance between responsibility of me towards it All in common sense, as something ‘global’, ‘true’ within my mind; and as me towards and in and As this and each and every point I walk as me.
I commit myself to this process in which I accumulate and prove to me responsibility in each specific case as I walk these points of me.
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