Day 14: Parting Company

Regret in me in interaction and relationship.

Parting company.

At the barrier, there is a train about to leave. We take our places by the gate. Now we’re looking at the fact of lives being miles apart, which has been suspended for the last few hours. It’s as if these last few steps are vaguely tragic, and reluctant, and that there’s something real about regret. The closing moments of an opportunity. There is a hanging sign, ‘Arrivals and Departures’; in my mind it seems to understate what’s happening. I look into the eyes of my brother, I always wondered how it was that they were green. In these I see a held back cry, a spark withdrawn. Thoughts come up about attempting that which is impossible, like reaching out to someone who has already gone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be the judge of times, that I have believed the thought that times were ‘good’, when all that ever was were opportunities of assistance and support for beings as me as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in feeling ‘tragedy’ and attaching it to the reality of parting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship to ‘parting’ in which I charge this drama of myself as ‘tragic’ to justify regret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support regret within an other as a ritual in the act of parting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I may say something ‘wrong’ in the act of parting, and to fear that if I do then I will sabotage arrangement of another meeting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can control the possibility of meeting in the future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to make a contract for a future meeting in these parting moments because I fear how I might feel if I did not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I might cause offence if I do not go into regret at parting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I might cause offence if I seem happy that we’re parting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep secret who and how I am so as not to cause reactions in an other and I forgive myself for not allowing myself to see that in doing this I am supporting secrecy in other beings with me and a culture of secrecy and blame in which hospitality and offence go hand in hand.

see also: Heaven’s Journey to Life

and: Creation’s Journey to Life

Desteni.org

Equalmoney.org

Eqafe.com

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~ by adamsblogs on April 30, 2012.

One Response to “Day 14: Parting Company”

  1. […] from Day 14: Parting […]

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